The journey of Ms.Devereaux

Its Over So Now What...

2009-06-11T13:40:00.009-05:00

It has been six months since I have written anything that didn't pertain to my school work. I guess I will catch you guys up on what I have been doing over the last six months. With 3 jobs, 15 credit hours, and semi-social life I was pretty busy. Now the summer is here and I am extremely bored. I think I am one of those people who have to stay busy in order to be productive.

- This semester did not end with the best g.p.a but it wasn't that bad. Just a few digits shy of a 3.0 but I talked to my teacher last night and I see a grade change on the horizon.

-I had the perfect paid internship!! I was working as the senior editor for a new online magazine through a non-profit organization. It was my baby I did everything from managing a staff of 10, creating the website, and tons of other responsibility. It was everything I wanted to do when I graduated and to good to be true!!! We all worked very hard until the week after finals and close to launching the website it all came to a HALT! Not only is there no magazine right now, but my payroll checks bounced along with the web designer checks. Now I feel like all that work was in vain and I let my staff down. Currently I am seriously thinking of starting my own magazine and I am still pissed at the publisher.

-The RA job ended but at least I got hired for next year!!! I will miss those checks over the summer. It was a decent first year and now I am equipped to do much better next year.

- The love life is still wack!! I have a guy who does like me but something is pushing me away from him so I am following my gut. Some other guys spark my interest but for some reason they think we are friends...lol!

So I lost 2 of my 3 jobs and currently working in the computer lab and will be volunteering for the summer. Im trying hot yoga classes again which I love and pray the sun comes out and it gets hot in Chicago so I play outside more.

Although I am feeling very unproductive and trying to figure out what my God given talent is, life is still pretty good and really no reason to complain. I think it is time to reinvent myself again. I don't know but you all can look for more blog post coming soon. Since I am on the computer all day its really no reason I should not be blogging.

Until next time on " The Journey of Ms. Devereaux"

The Game...

2009-01-18T18:01:00.009-06:00

In every relationship, the person least interested in maintaining it is going to dominate it, because they'll never compromise-Terrance Howard.

Terrance Howard made this statement in the movie Idlewild .Then, I did a google search and found the same concept in The Corsini Encyclopedia of Psychology and Behavioral Science. This is a very true statement. I think more so when you first start dating a person. If you are serious about someone, I would say don’t apply this rule. But, if you are just out here in these streets meeting different people you have to play this game.

Women have to play this game more than men because we are emotional creatures and can sometimes get caught up. Older women always say let men chase you and don’t give in so easy. When you do this they tend to act better. Whenever there is no commitment involved in a situation it is best for a woman to show little interest. That way she can tell if a man is really digging her. Some men will argue the case that they don’t chase or think they should chase women. But reality is, men do like to chase women .

Over the last 2 1/2 years of my singleness I have been dating, I think have shown too much interest too soon in the guys I really liked, and ended up with the short end of the stick. The others I showed least interest in were always willing to be flexible, and I had more control. I realized that I really don’t like dating. I think I might even be a little anger behind some of my most recent experiences. It is hard for me to deal with people (read:men) not being honest and upfront with me. My cousin tells me all the time that men always feel like they have to think for women. So it doesn’t matter if I tell a man that I can take the truth, he is usually not going to be honest with me. He thinks I am like every other woman, and can’t handle the truth.

Just this past week I had a guy, who I’ve been kicking it with for over a year girlfriend call me. This really pissed me off, but I had small warning signs before the destruction. I just didn’t listen. I don’t understand what hell was so hard about saying, “Hey Ms. Dev. I got a girlfriend.” I hate being caught up in drama. What if instead of calling me that girl would have just ran up on me in these streets because she seen me with her lying ass dude. She would have tried to jump on me thinking I knew about her.

Dating is getting way to crazy for me, and I need to listen to my gut instinct more. I’m seriously tired of dealing with foolishness and want something serious. I don't play games and I can't deal with people that do. I have no tolerance for anything else. Now, I will just patiently wait, look inside myself to see why I am attracting damn fools, and definitely not do the things I did in the past.

Until next time on ‘The Journey of Ms. Devereaux.”

Reader Submission...

2009-01-02T14:08:00.004-06:00

Happy New Year Folks!! I don't have any resolutions other than to be the best person I can be. I spent new years alone for the first time which was cool with me. Hope you all have a safe and happy year. One of my readers sent me this email below and wanted feedback from my lovely readers.

Ms. Devereaux,

Once again I am in need of your help. I have a topic I would like to get some answers on. Why are men visible people? They claim they want a real woman someone who will not lie to them, someone they can trust, someone to be their friend but yet they always want the women who are skinny and superficial. They look at your outsides before they get to know you. Are there any good BLACK men out there who really want what they ask for?

Favorite Poems/Quotes...

2008-12-28T02:44:00.013-06:00

We Wear the Mask,

We wear the mask that grins and lies,

It hides our cheeks and shades our eyes,- -

This debt we pay to human guile;

With torn and bleeding hearts we smile,

And mouth with myriad subtleties[1].

Why should the world be otherwise,

In counting all our tears and sighs?

Nay, let them only see thus, while

We wear the mask.

We smile, but, O great Christ, our cries

To thee from tortured souls arise.

We sing, but oh the clay is vile

Beneath our feet, and long the mile;

But let the world dream otherwise,

We wear the mask!

This is one of my favorite poems. I learned so many growing up but my favorites were "On The Pulse of Morning" by Maya Angelou and this one by Paul Laurence Dunbar. I love to read and I have been creating a list of quotes that cater to my different emotions which often times help me stay focus.

What are your favorite poems and quotes?

How Can I Trust You?

2008-12-17T02:50:00.009-06:00

During my RA training in Aug. we did plenty of team building activities which required us to put a great deal of trust into each other. The concept was to teach us to be there for each other during the school year. While participating, I came to the conclusions that for my teammates it wasn’t about building trust; it was more so about getting everything right and winning the game. Life is a game, and in this game we have to trust people. We are taught this lesson at an early age. We trust our parents, relatives, friends, and mates. Often I hear that the phrase ‘I love you’ should not be thrown around so easily, but I think we should guard our trust the same way.

I was taught at an early age to trust no one but God. Although I have people in my life that I have known for countless years, I still have a hard time totally trusting them. My guardian angel taught me that at times it is ok to trust, because there are people who do have your best interest at heart. I have learned to trust people to be who they are, based on what they have shown me. Maya Angelou said…When a person shows you who they are, believe them.

Trust is an enormous commitment, yet people throw it around so freely. Betrayal is difficult to survive, but it is a part of life. If you have faith in God, you tend to assume the best about people. But I wonder… Is it possible to betray one individual but be loyal to another? The best kept secret is the one untold…right?

The thought of trusting people bothers me. I really don’t like doing it because just like all of us I don’t like to be hurt. Over the last six months I have witnessed individuals do some terrible things to destroy people’s lives that TRUSTED them. Whenever I witness this I tend to guard my heart that much more. Plenty of people trust me because I am and have been loyal to them, but I wonder if deep down inside I can’t trust others because maybe I can’t be trusted…

What does trust mean too you? Can YOU really be trusted? Once the trust is broken how do you ever get it back?

Until next time on’ The Journey of Ms. Devereaux’

Nights Like This...

2008-12-15T01:38:00.018-06:00

* Nights like this... I wish rain drops would fa- ha- ha-ha-alll*- Eddie Cain

It is extremely windy and rainy tonight. I am sitting here with my legs kicked up on my desk, looking out of the window at the Sears Tower thinking about how crazy this last week has been. At last, the semester is over and most of my students are gone. I actually thought I was going to lose my mind this week. Let me tell you all what happened:

- I lost my flash drive with ALL my work on it! Including my final that was due on Monday. I had to redo the entire thing! Check out the finished product...

- I found out I can’t get a grant from my school that they promised me because the school
won’t give me anymore institution funds. They are covering my housing because I work as an RA, now I am going to get deported back to TX! Still praying for a miracle…

- My dance teacher was very proud of me, I truly did much better than I anticipated; considering it is a dance school and I have no rhythm or coordination.

- I interviewed an 11yr old aspiring writer for my radio interviewing class. She was incredible! Everyone loved her and most of all she was ecstatic about it!

- Saturday I couldn’t stop crying and I’m really not sure why. I guess the thought of going home was setting in.

- Church was great on Sabbath. Glad I went.

- My dating life has but faded from my rearview… The two guys I’m digging, I feel like I should fallback on. I don’t think it will turn into anything serious. One is definitely sexy as hell to me…whew!

- Friday night my friend took me to an incredible Jazz Gospel Messiah concert. I have never experienced such an musical event in my life! It was like Handel meets Gospel. That was an excellent way to end my stressful week!!!!

Now I plan on relaxing and figuring out my next move in life, I really need to re-evaluate myself and the people around me. I definitely do not plan on going home for the holidays which is fine with me. Although I had the next 3yrs planned out things always change. People always say you should plan and set goals. Then they turn around and say live each day like it’s your last. Then they say take it one day at a time, don’t look so far into the future. Blah blah blah… Who the hell are THEY anyway? So I decided for myself and based on things that I have witnessed this year in my life and others around me that I will plan for the next 6months to a year. I know what I would like to see happen in the next 5yrs, but right now it’s just not possible for me to plan that far ahead.

Question of the post: Do you find future planning helpful and if so, how far do you planning ahead?

I will blog more often now that I am on break so stay tuned and keep checking for more updates.

Until next on "The Journey of Ms. Devereaux"

Be Right Back...

2008-12-07T03:13:00.006-06:00

I know I haven't blogged in awhile, and may have lost my audience. But after finals and all my residents check out, I will be back over the x-mas break with more post. I have noticed everyone (other bloggers) is talking about their relationships lately. I don't think I'm ready to put that type of information out there, but I know I will come up with something.

Until then stay tuned...

Happy Birthday Ms. Devereaux...

2008-10-27T01:45:00.005-05:00

Today is my 27th birthday and I am so grateful I made it. I decided to make a list of things I am thankful for to celebrate.

I am thankful for...

- A healthy body, mind, and soul.

- Being able to work towards my dreams everyday.

-Learning from past mistakes, and seeing myself growing as a woman everyday.

-Being able to recognize my blessing even during the hardest time.

- An amazing support system of family and friends. I don't know were I would be without them. To all of you I say... THANK YOU AND I LOVE YOU!

-My sister, she really has no idea what it is like watching her grow into an incredible young woman. I love you so much, baby sis and keep pushing.

- The strength to move forward even when I want to quit.

- That I had a GREAT time Saturday night celebrating, plus my one of best friends came to visit me this weekend.

- That I still have both my parents active in my life. I think I take this for granted way too often.

My list could go on forever, but I am just thankful for all of God's blessings in my life.

To celebrate my birthday, tell me what you are thankful for.

Until next time on "The Journey of Ms. Devereaux"

1st Radio Interview...

2008-10-21T02:08:00.009-05:00

Finally, my 1st radio interview!! Yes I go by the name of HoneyLove, (shout out to Kj and Aleesha for creating that name.) There is no particular theme to this interview. My assignment was to interview someone who attended my school. This interview is with one of the Graduate Assistant, who left a career as a business analyst and nows lives in the residence hall. I thought this was a pretty interesting change of pace. The interview is 9 mins long.

Please feel free to give any HONEST feedback. I really want to know what you all think.

Michelle Orphalee McMullen-Missing

2008-10-12T13:43:00.003-05:00

One of our fellow bloggers Akua sister has been missing. If anyone has any information please don't hesitate. Our prayers are with you Akua.

Let Me Out !...

2008-10-08T16:38:00.008-05:00

Lately, I have been extremely home sick, and I was on duty this past weekend, which didn't make it better. However, I am blessed to have my Aunt Linda in the suburbs. I can always go chill with her and it feels a little like TX. Over the weekend while trapped in the building on duty ( I really do love my job) I started thinking about when I was a child, and the joy of coming home from school and going outside to play. At one point, that was once the highlight of my day. I couldn't wait to go out and play during recess, then rush home to do my homework/chores so I could go outside again. That was the good old days...

Growing up I got a lot of whippings, in school, at home, and at my grandma's house. Pretty much everyone got whippings in on me. I remember one day, when I was in private school my teachers got smart and realize that the whippings didn't phase me anymore. I just wanted them to get it over with so I could get outside and play. This particular day, I got in trouble as usual in the 6th grade for cursing(yes I was way to young to curse, but I did it!). My teacher Ms. Jackson(she was one of the best teachers I ever had) sent everyone outside and told me to stay in. I wasn't really nervous since I had been getting in trouble often that school year.
After everyone leaves for recess, I go to her desk and she tells me I want you to write a 1000 lines saying 'I will not curse'. Ok, that's cool I can handle it. By this point I had been writing lines for months now, so I had it down to a science. We pray together, then I go get myself ready to go outside. While packing my books Ms. Jackson decides to tell me...' also, you CANNOT go outside for recess for the rest of week'. I turned around and almost cursed again. WTH!!! I almost collapsed on the floor. I couldn't believe what was coming out of her mouth. Everything begin to move in slow motion. I ran up to her desk and began negotiating to write more lines, and she can tell my daddy what I did so he will give me a whipping too. But PLEASE LET ME GO OUTSIDE!!! She wouldn't budge, I was devastated. I couldn't believe it, the ultimate punishment had taken place. Not only was I not allowed to go outside at school, but my dad whipped me and I couldn't go outside at home either. Of course, by this point I was plotting to run away...lol. Even though I thought I was going to die that week I made it. All week I stood in the window every day watching everybody play as I cried silently in my room. You would think I would have stop cursing, but I didn't the same thing happened again a few months later when we lost our softball game. That is another story though.

Kids now days don't play outside that much anymore. They have the internet, video games. cellphones, and I guess it's not as safe anymore. I really miss recess, because it was a great release from everything around me.

Do you ever want to go outside and play, when you feel trapped or overwhelmed?

Randomness...

2008-10-02T00:49:00.010-05:00

We are officially a month into school. It's been really busy, especially since I have a lot more on my plate. I work as a Resident Assistant to 34 students on my floor. I take 15 credit hrs., and I work in the computer lab. The RA gig is not really that bad. I haven't had any problems with my students or anybody else in the building yet.(knock on wood). Honestly, I think my students like me. If they need anything they have no problem knocking on my door. Other duties I have as an RA is to create bulletin boards monthly, and activities for my students. So now my creative side has to come out. Check out some of my work. Special thanks to MLB for the help.

My classes are cool. I really HATE my Copy Editing class. I like the teacher but I just hate the class. Unfortunately, I am not a detail person as much as I should be, so it is extremely challenging for me. Not to mention AP Stylebook has the most insane rules for writing. I like my Jazz dance class. I have this obsession with learning how to dance so I plan on taking dance till I graduate. Since we have a dance school the classes are really intense. Most of these people have been dancing for years. My teacher retired from the Alvin Alley Dance Company, I'm glad she is patient with me. I mean I have no sense of rhythm or coordination at all. It is definitely a site to see. Radio Interviewing is a fun class, I conduct real interviews and they are aired on the school radio station. I will upload my interviews for you all to hear and tell me what you think. Oh yeah, my Visual Journalism class is great. I learn about magazine/newspaper layouts and create my own throughout the semester. For my final I have to create a full layout meaning the article, photos, editing, everything as though it is going to print in a publication the next day. Which some might get chosen for a publication depending on how good it is.

Now that I am living by myself I cook everyday almost. Mainly healthy stuff, and I think I accidentally became a vegetarian since meat is so high. I paid $9.00 for 3 pieces of chicken last time I went shopping. Plus, I am a pretty good cook. Over this past weekend I went to my friends house and I made a salad. Check out the pic below. I think the avocado made it look kind of weird.

Basically that is all I do. My life is pretty boring and busy at the same time. I don't date, party, shop, or hang out with friends( since I only have two, one is married the other has a boyfriend). I think I am content though, which is weird for me. God is still blessing me and I really can't complain, because every night after my longs days I get to come home and look out the window at this amazing view God has blessed me with.(yes this the real view from my apartment)
I like this song I heard in my dance class by Duffy- Hanging on Too Long. I can't relate at this point in my life, but I have been there before. click the link to hear the song. That is all for now folks...

Until next time on 'The Journey of Ms. Devereaux'

Black Men's Appreciation Day 2008

2008-09-16T23:23:00.017-05:00

Our Foundation

It’s a time for change, a time for appreciation, a time for admiration and respect, and what better way to embrace this time than to appreciate the hands we stand on…our black men.

We need our black men. They are the hands we stand on. The next time you see a black man — city, suburb, or country, — SMILE and say hello.The next time a brother opens the door for you, SMILE and say thank you. If you are close enough, SMILE and ask “how are you doing today?”If a black man is living in your home and he gets up everyday and goes to face a world that doesn’t really want him there, when he comes home,let him know that you appreciate him.

This message has inspired the ladies of www.singleblackmale.net to start a movement of love and change.

Black Men Appreciation Day is about saying thank you, smiling, giving a gift, positive affirmation, hugs, kisses, or even saying 'I admire you' or 'I’m proud of you' or whatever you can think of to show appreciation to the black men you encounter.

On September 17, 2008 we will stand up and stand together in admiration and appreciation of our black men. They are not only our hands but also our foundation, and without this foundation our house will surely crumble. Remember, it only takes one person to start a movement…one person to initiate a change. Imagine the difference a multitude will make. Our black men deserve this, we deserve this. What good is a house without a strong foundation? Let’s strengthen our foundation. Together we will make a difference.

Please come back and share your responses you received and how you felt showing this love and appreciation.

Spread the word, spread the love…September 17th is now officially Black Men Appreciation Day!

Enjoy The Ride...

2008-08-20T22:26:00.006-05:00

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Hey folks it’s been a while since I have been on here. Well a lot has been going on, so I am going to catch ya'll up really quick. I moved into my apartment and I have been in training for my new job as a Resident Assistant. It has been extremely challenging trying to take in all the information but I am sure it will be fine. My only concern is the age gap between me and my residents on my floor, but I am pretty cool as you already know so I’m not to worried…lol. Since this is my last day of training I found a little time to blog. Keep me in your prayers folks this year will be interesting. On to the post now…

Have you ever thought you met the ideal mate, but didn’t want to get too eager about it? Have you ever gotten an opportunity to do something you always wanted, but to afraid to leave your area? If you died today would you feel like you have lived your life to the fullest as much as possible? Do you want to live your life to the fullest?

These types of questions have been running through my mind since the death of Bernie Mac and Isaac Hayes. I really started to think how short life can be. We are always told that by older folks but, I guess it hadn’t really sunk in for me until recently. It made me sit back and look at life in a different light. I am usually a person who is extremely guarded and doesn’t let people in my world. This can often times cause me to miss out on some great individuals. However, life is short and I have determined to live my life to the fullest, so I have to change my mindset. I don’t want to die at a point in my life were I really haven’t lived merely because I was fearful. I mean how can you enjoy life really if you don’t embrace all parts of it? I was talking to someone a few weeks ago, that was advising me to let my guard down when dealing in relationships. We tend to guard our hearts in efforts to save ourselves, but we are just hindering ourselves from growth and moving to the next step. They continued to advise me life is too short to spend all your time protecting your heart and never allowing yourself to love in hopes that the perfect situation will come around. They said to let go and just let things flow naturally without being so guarded. Strangely enough, I am willing to try it. (Wall slowly coming down...)

More often than not, we miss out on opportunities because of fear. Love is a beautiful thing; sometimes it makes you joyful, miserable, irritated, grateful, and baffled. If you can walk, breathe, see, talk, smell, taste, hear, and feel then you are blessed. We are not promised each day we open our eyes. It’s only by the grace of God. I know that if I died today I wouldn’t be happy with the way I have lived life expect for maybe the last few years. Solely, because of the growth I believe I have experienced. I could only look back and say ‘oh it was cool, we had some fun times’ but that is it. The past year I really pushed myself out of my element and I plan on continuing to do that so I can grow. Life is about change, growth, experiences, and having fun. I don’t want to remain the same person, and the only way to grow is to be open and not let fear control me. So from this point on I am going to promote 'living life to the fullest'. That doesn’t mean I am going to be crazy and do outlandish things, but I am going to take chances, embrace new experiences, and let love have it way whenever it comes. Don’t hold back folks, sometimes the scariest decision you make and be the best one and change your life forever.

Life is a trip and then you die, don't let fear hold you back.

Until next time on 'The Journey of Ms. Devereaux'

Happy Anniversary...

2008-07-30T01:27:00.011-05:00

Well today is officially 1 year I have lived in Chicago and I've been pursuing my dreams. I felt it would be great to honor this day with an update to my readers about some interesting events of this year. Now I won’t do this every year, just because that would be corny…lol. Now lets get started on my recap shall we…

God - If I ever doubted God in my life (which I never have) I can tell you without a doubt he does exist and I’m a living witness. Anyone that needs a story of encouragement I have plenty to share. Many of you have been reading since my first post know how much of a faith walk this experience has been.

School - I started as a part time student due to financial aid (thank you George W. Bush). Fall 2008 I will be a full-time student, (15hrs) thanks to the Illinois MAPP Grant and prayers.

Internships- Last year I started an internship with www.glossmagazineonline.com and will continue with them. Recently I became a freelance writer for www.inchicity.com which is really exciting, so I will have a variety of work for my portfolio.(click on website to view)

Partying - When I first got here I partied a little too much. Mainly because my cousin was moving and my previous roommate and I wanted to make sure she had a great time. Some of our best times have been at Funky Buddha lounge. There was one night my roommate and I spent 50.00 each for a wasted night for us, but a good night for my cousin.(which is what matters). Another night my cousins and I went to a play. I was excited about going home early(so I could sleep) but they decided to go out to Funky Buddha then to eat at my favorite spot Taco Burrito, which I couldn’t appreciate because I was so tired. Did I mention I had to be at work at 8 a.m. the next morning. Needless to say, I went to work almost sleep as they slept peacefully…aww the good times. We always have fun when we go out.

Jobs - I have had nothing put temp jobs which didn’t last long due to whatever reason. I did get a job at my school as a Resident Assistant, which comes with a free apartment and dedication to the students. I think I will be great at this position. Also I applied for a dream job back in March (so I thought) as a personal assistant, which got me caught in a huge scam and my bank account being $9 million overdrawn. Yes you read correctly nine million dollars. Luckily everything got cleared up and I didn’t go to jail…long story folks.

Dating - Umm this subject is weird for me. I honestly don’t know what dating is. I consider myself to be cool with every guy I met or go out with. I call it ‘We Cool’, maybe you all can tell me what dating is. I have had fun hanging out with some people here but for the most part it’s nothing to write home about. Although there is this one fella I would love to go with for real but it hasn’t happened yet. Maybe he will read my blog and know that it’s him…lol.

Housing - When I moved here I was suppose to rent my cousins place out. That didn’t work out for various reasons. My roommate at the time also expressed that she couldn’t live with me anymore, but I could stay with her for a little bit till I found a place. Well as we all know folks things change and that didn’t work out at all. I was pretty pissed and we didn’t talk for a while. During this time I considered coming back to TX. Not that my family wasn’t willing to let me stay with them. I really didn’t want to do that. Plus, we all had weird schedules and it didn't seem like it would work out. But God worked everything out and I didn’t have to go back to Texas. I camped out on my cousin’s couch during the week and lived in my aunt and uncle basement apartment on the days I didn’t have class. This transition was the hardest time of me you all have no idea; mentally it got really bad for me.

Family - My family has been great and I want to say THANK YOU. We have had our challenges that’s for sure, but at the end of the day we have each others back. They have really been lifting me up on their shoulders despite having their own issues. Ya’ll know how I can be so we have gotten into arguments when I felt a challenged, but it all worked out for everyone.

Events - This summer I went to a few interesting and exciting events. Chaka Khan and Angie Stone concert, it was FREE and FUN! Stevie Wonder was great but it was so crowded I couldn’t move. Usually I am not nervous about large crowds but this was scary. I also worked a Black Gay/Lesbian Pride Event, which was interesting. These are my thoughts after this event. As far as gay men, ages 25-younger they have no problem expressing who they are they just don’t care. Those 27- 35 maybe a little younger are the ones that blew me away. Although they were in their environment there were A LOT of men I would have never thought in a million years would be gay. If I saw them on the streets it wouldn’t cross my mind. They were manly, handsome, and well dressed. Any older, they can be discreet but they don’t care. As far as women in my age group listen to me… YOU CAN’T TELL IF A MAN IS GAY! The men you think are gay aren’t. The ones you think aren’t gay could be? It’s crazy I was just in shock, great experience though. Another great event was the Unity Journalism Conference. This is where the Black, Asian, Native American, and Hispanic Journalist come together for workshops, careers fair, galas, and parties. I volunteered there everyday last week. I learned so much to prepare me for my next steps, and met some really great informative people. I probably seen everyone you watch on TV for news. On the last day Sen. Barack Obama came which I can’t tell you about because I didn’t make it. Overall, priceless experience!

Mentors - Last semester I found my mentor. He taught my Reporting & Writing Class. I really like him as a teacher. He is great, simply because he is a current journalist, honest, informed, and truly cares. I am so glad I took the advice of some guy I met at a party who told me to take him as a teacher. If you are reading this ‘mentor’ I would like to say thank you.

It's impossible to cram a year in one post. But,overall it has been a HUGE challenge and to be honest I almost gave up so many times. I got tired of crying, struggling, fighting, and everything else. But, I always say ‘it’s never really bad’. Chicago has a way of showing you that as soon as you walk out of your front door, with homeless, hungry people everywhere. I believe God has a purpose for me. My cousin told me if he didn’t see everything that was going on with me he wouldn’t believe it himself. I think I have grown tremendously and I am ready to continue growing and maturing as a woman. It’s been one hell of a ride but totally worth it and I can’t wait for what’s next…I think (just kidding I’m ready)

Until next time on 'The Journey of Ms. Devereaux'

Turn Up the Heat...

2008-07-16T02:48:00.015-05:00

By now we are all deep into the summer. Texas is hot as fish grease!! Despite it being hotter than hell in most places there are some really great things about the summer time. School breaks,outdoor parties, family vacations, weekend bbq's, tanning(I am a little on the bright-skinned side), and most importantly the summer brings out the finest men. I know in Chicago I don't see as many cuties and as I do in the summer. Probably because in the winter everyone is walking around looking like huge sleeping bags trying to stay warm. Oh, but when the summer comes it's like being a kid in a candy store. With all the activities and festivals and only 3 months of summer everyone is out.

Almost every time I walk outside now I see a tall, handsome, strong, black man walking down the street. Honestly, I have seen some fine men of other nationalities lately. If I am bold enough that day then I might even engage him in conversation. (Yes ladies, I do strike up convo with a man first) I love men already but what turns me on most about a man is his walk, smile, sense of humor, tone of voice, and intelligence. After those boxes are checked then we can move to round two...lol. I love the summer!

We all have something that we like in each other, but...What turns you on most about the opposite sex?

Until next time on 'The Journey of Ms. Devereaux'

Creative Writing Pt. 1

2008-07-09T23:43:00.016-05:00

Yesterday I was having writers block so I sent out a text message asking you all for blog topics. Everyone sent back great topics and I plan on writing on most of them in the upcoming post. Unfortunately, writers block is still in my brain so I decided to do something different with this post. Actually, I plan on doing a lot of different things with this blog. I took a Fiction Writing class last year and I thought I would share one of my stories I had to write with you all. I want to write a book one day about something, so feel free to give me any feedback. Hope you enjoy!

Stop looking at me, don’t touch me, shut up I don’t want to hear anything you are saying. Leave me alone!I bent down in the corner near the porcelain tube, slowly placing my hands on the pearl colored tile floor for balance. It's very dark in here the only light is coming from underneath the door. I have been here many times before so I know what it looks in the dark.There is an old burgundy shower curtain that hangs over the tub with soap scum stuck to the bottom of it, the worn out floral wall paper covers the entire bathroom, and the toilet that always seems to be cold no matter what. The cabinets are dark brown although the color is fading and the different color towels hang from the rack. I always hated coming in here, they put me in here like a caged animal. I used to scream so loud, and cry so hard my eyes would swell shut, I despised being in the dark. I told myself if they did this to me again I would get them. This time I am going to calm down and devise my plan.Stop looking at me, don’t touch me, shut up I don’t want to hear anything you are saying. Leave me alone! I keep hearing in my head over and over again as they repeated themselves. After awhile it became quiet enough where I thought it was safe to leave. Slowly I got up from the cold bathroom floor and opened the door. The light from the hallway was bright I had to squint my eyes until they adjusted. I walked out of the bathroom hoping no one would see me.

I wasn’t always like this, there was a time when I was considered kind, patient, loving, caring, giving, and warm-spirited person. In the past, I loved getting to know people and being around them laughing having a good time. Now I can’t stand to be around people, I feel like they are fake and don’t really care about who I really am. I decided to leave school that day and walk downtown just to take some time to myself. While sitting at a coffee shop late that night I watched a homeless man walk aimlessly looking for his next meal, digging from one trash can to another he pulled out left overs from stranger’s meals. He even pulled a few half smoked cigarette buds to finish off himself later. While sitting there I begin to get upset and wonder how could this man allow himself get to this point were he has to beg, for money and live on the street. I began to think how he had no purpose in life and that he was a waste of space and someone needed to handle it. Stop looking at me, don’t touch me, shut up I don’t want hear anything you are saying. Leave me alone! That’s what I kept hearing. I couldn't shake the voices in my head

That night it was cold, windy,and rainy. I sat at Starbucks on the corner across from the Deluxe store, and US Bank on the opposite corner from me. I see a couple walking down the street near the empty parking lot, something about them sparked my interest so I left the coffee shop and followed them down the street behind the building into an empty alley. No one around this particular night almost like a ghost town. I stopped at the corner and peaked around the trash cans to see where the cute couple had went. To my surprise I see the man pounding his fist into the face of the woman he was holding hands with, then he grabbed her around her throat and slammed her into the ground. I couldn’t believe my eyes he was going to kill her I had to stop him and do something to help this woman out. After, he slammed her to the ground he began to repeatedly kick her. What could I do to help her? As I stood there I had a flash back, of being locked in the bathroom being tortured by horrible people. Before I knew it I rushed down the street while the guy’s back was turned, he couldn’t hear or see me coming because he was so busy beating the sh*t out of what I thought was his girlfriend. I slowed down my paced as I got closer I heard him yelling

“You stupid B*tch, I hate you” despite how bad he had already beaten her ass she was still yelling “stop it Charlie don’t do this I love you”.

The closer I got my rage continued to build like lava in volcano ready to explode. Once close enough with all the strength in my body I grabbed the top of his head and the bottom of his chin and with a quick twist I snapped his neck, I heard the breaking of his bones, it sounded like a branch breaking from a tree. His limp body fell to the ground next to the woman he nearly beat to death. Immediately I reached down to help her by gently grabbing her hand to help her up. She looked at me and saw her boyfriend lying next to her and began to scream…

“What have you done?” “What have you done to Charlie?” She yelled.
“Ma’am you won’t have to worry about him anymore I took care of him”. “Let me help you” I said in a relaxed tone.

The woman yelled at me Stop looking at me, don’t touch me, shut up I don’t want hear anything you are saying. Leave me alone! I couldn’t believe what I was hearing, I was startled. Again I felt rage began to build up in my chest, it felt like someone had a burning match to my chest and the anger I felt in my body begin to fill like helium in a balloon. I envisioned the old burgundy shower curtain, I felt the cold porcelain floor, the floral wallpaper and before I knew it I grabbed her by the top of head and the bottom of her chin, again I heard the same snapping noise I heard from Charlie a little bit ago. She dropped just like Charlie did to the ground lifeless. I looked down at Charlie and his girlfriend lie there dead, I killed these people. Petrified by my actions I ran as fast and as far as I could until I was out of breathe and stopped.

Every since that night that phrase Stop looking at me, don’t touch me, shut up I don’t want hear anything you are saying. Leave me alone! has been playing in my head. Whenever, I am locked in that cold bathroom on the floor I hear that woman yelling at me before I silenced her from ever saying Stop looking at me, don’t touch me, shut up I don’t want hear anything you are saying. Leave me alone!

Is Black Female Loyalty Enough?

2008-07-01T22:56:00.011-05:00

Over the years I have talked to a number of black men who have said that 'black female loyalty' is the #1 reason they have not dated outside of their race. Many black men have strongly considered dating/marrying outside of their race, but have only decided against it because of their conviction on loyalty to black women.

So I pose this question to my readers...

Is loyalty to black women enough of a reason for black men to stick solely with black women for dating/marrying?

R.I.P George Carlin...

2008-06-23T21:50:00.011-05:00

Legendary comedian George Carlin, perhaps most famous for his skit “Seven Words You Can Never Say on TV,” dies at 71. He succumbed to heart failure.

My cousin turned me on to George Carlin, and I really liked him simply because he said anything he wanted to say, plus he was a very sharp man. It is unfortunate to see one of the 'realist' comics ever to go. Funny thing is I was just talking about him on Saturday night, wondering what he was going to say about the election. Now I guess his fans will never know. Research him for yourselves and watch some of his vids. I think some of you might like him.

Click on his name for more information Carlin

Until next time on "The Journey of Ms. Devereaux"

Reader Submission...

2008-06-18T23:17:00.008-05:00

One of my readers emailed me this scenerio. She asked me to post it on here so she could get advice from you guys about this situation. So help your fellow reader out.

I have been an unhappily married woman for 10yrs. My husband and I are unhappy due to a previous affair he had in the beginning of our marriage. I chose to stay in the marriage and try to make it work. We act more as 'roommates' instead of husband and wife, never spend together, and most of all, he is not sexually active with me.

Recently I met a guy who I became intimate with. We have known each other for about 2months. He does everything my husband doesn't do and he makes me feel cared about. Something else my husband doesn't do. He lives far enough were I won't get caught by anyone. Initially, we started having sex at hotels, and then I began to go to his home. Lately, I have been spending the night with him whenever the opportunity presented itself, of course lying to my husband about my whereabouts.

The guy I have been seeing tells me he loves me all the time, especially when we are intimate. When he first told me he ‘loved’ me I felt scared. I felt like he was full of sh*t. At first I thought it was his game in order to get me to leave my husband. Then I realized that he appeared to mean it and wanted me to tell him I loved him too. But I don't, and I can't understand why he tells me that. Unfortunately, I have gotten emotionally caught up and believe this man might love me although that is hard to believe.

My question is why would he tell me he loves me if he knows I have a husband, I don't love him, and he is already having sex with me?

In your response please don't forget to answer the reader's question.

Daddy Dearest...

2008-06-16T01:07:00.006-05:00

Happy Father's Day to all the dads and especially the single fathers. There have been a few men that have played father figure roles during different periods of my life and I love them all. But I want to tell you all a little bit about my dad.

You know my dad is a pretty cool dude. He is 6'5, still wears a curl in 2008,and 65yrs old, so you can't help but see him. I appreciate my dad more now than I did when I was younger for his advice, time, and energy he puts into me. We are identical twins according to some people. All my life I heard "guurrrlll you look just like your daddy." There were times when my mother and friends would say they I sound like my dad because I say some of the same things he would. Many women aren't privilege enough to have their fathers around, but I do and I love that guy. Things haven’t always been great with us, but when you can forgive a person, its amazing the relationships that can blossom.

I haven't always been around my dad, but I can honestly say he has always done his best to be there for me. From kindergarten to 8th grade my father picked me up from school everyday despite my parents being divorced. He has always told me I was brilliant,sneaky,pretty,and his 'big baby girl.' He picked me up and I would be with him until my mother got off work. Growing up he had all the guys in the neighborhood scared but they respected him. All my life my dad has tried to prepare my sister and me for life. He taught me lessons that didn't necessarily apply until later on in life. He always taught me about understanding people, being ‘street smart’, and the importance of education. He is not only there for me, but also for my friends. He takes his time to talk to them as though they were his children.

One thing I can say about my dad is that he is always right, and that drives me crazy! Almost everyone I know has met my father at some point in my life. I could go on and on about my father, simply because he is a good father. It never occurred to me how blessed I am to still have my dad until a few people I know have lost their dads. One thing I can count on is that my dad will call me everyday at least twice a day. Although I can't stand when he ask me a lot of questions, I understand that it is only because he cares and wants the best for me. It drives him crazy for me to be so far away but he trust God and knows that I will be fine.

I love my dad, and thank God for still allowing him to be around. If you still have your father around take time to talk to him, even if he hasn’t always been the best dad. Let the past go and try to build a future with him. It makes a difference in your life when you have your father. You never know how long he will be around. Happy Father's Day Daddy.

Until next time on 'The Journey of Ms. Devereaux'

Writer's Block...

2008-06-12T15:40:00.007-05:00

Hey Folks...
I have been trying to blog for the past couple of weeks, while I have been home in Dallas. Unfortunately, nothing has seem to come out on the paper.I have writers block bad because, I haven't even been able to write in my journal. I need something to get me going again. So I ask my readers to please bare with me, until I get my mojo back.

Well at least I can tell you guys what I have been up too lately.

-I have been eating, sleeping, and enjoying the sun. I haven't worked out at all. But I love it.
-I have been going to church...can I get an AMEN on that please.
-I am at my favorite place the HouseofHealing.
-I got my tooth pulled and I wanted to kill the dentist. But I took alot of drugs and went to my dads house and he took care of me.
-I found out some new interesting things about some of my friends.
-I spent way too much money and have avoided looking at my bank account...lol
-I was in one of my close friends wedding and saw people I have seen in years and ones who have known me since I was a baby. That was a really great time, although I worked so hard as a hostess I got a blister on my foot. But it was all worth it to see my friend happy.
-My other good friend got engaged and yes I am a bridesmaid. We went looking for dresses and hung out which was great since we haven't seen each other in forever.
-My mom, sister, and I hung out that was too much fun.
-Did I mention I am eating whatever I want and loving it.
-I brought a really cute dress that I love.
-I have went out a couple times. One time I partied a little to hard...lol
-I saw Sex in the City...love that movie.
-Still coping with our family loss but trusting God as my grandma says.

That's pretty much it. I am headed back to Chicago soon to get back on the grind and party with my girl for her graduation. Hopefully between now and then I can come up with a new blog.

Also, feel free to give me any suggestions for blog topics.

Until next time on "The Journey of Ms. Devereaux"

Dear Mr. Sharp Shooter...

2008-05-16T02:34:00.008-05:00

This Monday morning the news reported there was a 'standoff with a gunman involved' in a Grand Prairie, TX, apartment complex. Never in a million years would I have thought that it was my uncle the ‘gentle teddy bear’. I hear about police officers taking people lives all the time. This time it was different because, I received a call saying that the gunman on the news was my uncle, and he had your bullet in him.

I don’t think you realize what you have done to my family. When you took that shot on Monday morning around 7a.m. in those Grand Prairie apartment you killed a family. That was my Uncle Kevin. He was a father of three fantastic girls who adored him. He was the baby brother to 10 other individuals who are suffering tremendously. He was the uncle to many nieces and nephews. He was a husband for 25 years. He was the friend of many who loved him dearly. He was a bone marrow donor. He was the youngest child of my 90 year old grandmother, who just looked him in his face the day before.

Mr. Sharp Shooter, I don’t know complete details that led you to his apartment that morning, but I do know you weren’t suppose to take his life. You painted a picture as though he came out shooting, and to avoid anyone from being harm you put your bullet in him. You LIED! I listen to the voice mail over and over that was played on the news by his pastor were he is begging for help. In the middle of his sentence a glass breaks and it is your bullet headed towards his body.

You took the life of a gentle, kind, caring, thoughtful, loving, funny, calm natured, selfless, strong, GREAT man! He would never hurt a fly. In fact he is known as a ‘peacemaker’. I was just with him in March; I would have never thought that your bullet would take him away from us. My cousins are left without the man they loved most. I believe you didn’t know what you are doing when you pulled that trigger, so I am working on forgiving you. However, I don’t believe he came out shooting at you. See that is not the man that I just described. If you were aware of his illness I can’t help but wonder why you didn’t handle the situation differently. I will forever believe it could have gone differently, but I will try to remember the God doesn’t make mistakes.

Mr. Sharp Shooter, I can't wrap my mind around what you did. I hope you never experience the pain we feel. We will never understand why you took my uncle's life while he was crying out for help.

Sincerely,
His lovely Niece

Continue reading below...

Dear Gentle Teddy Bear...

2008-05-16T02:25:00.004-05:00

My most recent memory of you is at Grandma 90th b-day celebration singing ‘I Shall Wear a Crown.' As I watched you sing,I felt so much emotion in that song and I wasn’t sure why. I was suppose ride back to Dallas with you, but chose not to. Now I wish I would have taken that ride.

I have never known you to show any emotion other than humor, and just an undisturbed attitude. I always thought you were a remarkable father. I remember when I was younger I thought you were the strongest man ever, because you just look like you could fight anyone or anything... You would play arm wrestle with us, and let us think we really beat you. I use to think all the time….’ How did his voice get so deep?”

You always looked out for me when I needed you too. You even keep me posted about jobs. Recently, you sent me a nice text that made me smile. Last weekend I sent out a text and I forgot to include you on my list, saying that I loved everyone. Now I wonder if it would have made a difference.

I never knew you carried so much pain. We are family and really have no clue what is going with each other. That happens a lot in the black community. Hearing your last voicemail message to your pastor I can hear your pain. It really kills me that my strong uncle was hurting so bad in his last moments. You were always so funny to me, although we didn’t talk as much as I would have like, I do remember we had our good conversations.

Thank you for being there for my mother, sister, and me when we needed you. I believe God doesn’t make mistakes. He knew this was going to happen before we did, so he is prepared to bring us through it.

We are going to be there for the girls and Aunt Shelia. Devon, Eryn, Sidney, have an amazing support system already, but we have let them know that we are here for them. Your brothers and sisters miss you dearly and they are having a hard time but my cousins and I will be there to uplift our parents. Oddly, enough Grandma is the strongest right now. But you know that is because her and God are best friends. I hate you left us soon. I should have told you all this stuff before Mr. Sharp Shooter put his bullet in you.

I love you very much and rest in peace Uncle Kevin.

Love,
Ms. Devereaux,

Lately I've Been Thinking..

2008-05-09T12:57:00.011-05:00

Over the past couple of months my feelings have been tremendously hurt and a lot of tears have been shed. I have come to realize that most of these emotions have arisen because of my desires for others to meet my expectations. This is one of the biggest mistakes you can make. We as human beings have the tendency to set EXPECTATIONS for others to meet. We should NEVER have EXPECTATIONS, but STANDARDS and PREFERENCES.

I think it allows one to avoid disappointments when someone does not fulfill your EXPECTATIONS. Too often when we are caught up with the opposite sex finding ones self disappointed when he/she doesn't meet your EXPECTATIONS, or know what we are thinking. Another huge annoyance of mine is, the 'unspoken' expectation. People are not mind readers so you should not presume that the individual is thinking the same as you.

It is difficult to dismiss ones EXPECTATION, simply because we expect people to know as if it were common sense. Recently, I was told that "common sense does not equal common practice". There can be a misconception that someone has changed, but in all reality they just didn't meet the EXPECTATION you placed on them.

You may never really know what a person is thinking or how they may feel towards you. People are not obligated to do anything so don't expect anything. Hold people to a standard and have preference on the ones you let into your life but, if you don't remember anything else I say...NEVER EXPECT ANYTHING.

Until next time on "The Journey of Ms. Devereaux"

How Do You Know?!!!

2008-04-29T20:01:00.015-05:00

True Story: I met this guy about 4 months ago back home in Texas through a mutual friend, at dinner one weekend when I was home visiting. When I first saw him he was so handsome to me. He is 6’3, chocolate skin, gorgeous smile, a nice body, and maybe in his late 30’s. He was so cool, almost too good to be true! I didn’t want a relationship at the time but he was a good prospect for 'FwB'. After meeting, we exchanged numbers and began to talk off and on. He was really cool, we talked all the time day or night, and hung out a couple of times. Mainly, we had a lot of great conversations about business, life lessons, and he had a great sense of humor. Since I live in another state we didn’t hang out much. This guy invited me to his place ("studio" he called it), was always available late at night to meet. But -- believe it or not -- I was never intimate with this man. Over the last two months we talked a LOT more than usual. I was becoming interested in him!

This Monday morning -- at 8:15AM -- I received a call. I answered and the caller quickly hung up the phone! Then the caller stuck again! I answered AGAIN and a female voice said:

Caller: Hello, I am calling because your number is all over my husband's phone bill.
Me: (Laughing) Are you sure? I don’t have any husbands in my phone.
Caller: Yes, your number is all over his phone bill?
Me: Ok, well what is your husband's name?
Caller: [She provided the name]
Me: Oh WHAT?!!! (Laughing out Loud) He is married?
Caller: Yes, I am his wife and I need to know why you are talking to him all day and at 1AM in the morning. What are these conversations about?
Me: I had no clue he was married, he keeps a schedule like a single person. He is available to talk anytime day or night. And, I have never touched your husband -- not so much as a hug. We mainly talk about business ideas, general convo, and whatever else the conversation brings.
Caller: Well, what is your relationship?
Me: We are cool. I am not even in the state. We don’t have a relationship.
Caller: Well, you mean to tell me that you didn't SEE his wedding ring?
Me: Uhh, no! He doesn’t wear a ring. He doesn’t even have a ring indention on his finger. If I knew he was married he would have never gotten my phone number. Your man doesn’t show that he is married in any way, shape, form, or fashion.

Additional...This conversation continued for about 15mins then we hung up. Of course she wasn’t and couldn’t be mad at me, so she ended the conversation politely.

My question to my readers is…

HOW DO YOU KNOW SOMEONE IS MARRIED? Especially if they don’t follow the habits of a married person. Let me know your thoughts cause Ms. Devereaux is definitely tripping out about this phone call.

The game is grimy but people are grimier.

Michael Moore Has Set the Record Straight....

2008-04-21T23:25:00.000-05:00

Everyone needs to read this letter Michael Moore wrote about his vote for Barack Obama.

Its kind of long but worth the time. There are details that definitely should be in mainstream media. Of course it will never make it though.

Enjoy! Click on his name directly below.

Michael Moore

What Would You Do?

2008-04-17T22:23:00.000-05:00

One of my readers emailed me this scenerio. She asked me to post it on here so she could get advice from you guys about this situation. So help your fellow reader out.

When I was in high school I dated this guy who had dropped out of school for three years of course I was into basketball and he was into hanging out in the streets. He went to jail and I went on with my life. Now after 20 years we ended up getting back together. He sometimes brings up what happened to us 20 years ago and I think he should get over it and lets live today. We broke up again because of his jealousy and he wanted to hang out all times of the night. I tried to understand that he wanted to hang out with the boys but it got out of hand when the time got later and later everytime. We have been split up for about a year now. I still love him and I would love to be with him but, I don't think he is ready for a real realtionship. He is 40 and I recently saw him with a much younger girl, it hurt me because all this time he would call me and tell me that he wanted to work things out with me. I helped him go to truck driving school, get a car, and get a job driving. When I see him I am excited but, I really don't know if I truly love him or if I am selling myself short because I am scared to get into another relationship because of all the STD's and men who just want to hit it and go.

I really need some advise on this. Should I try to work things out with him or should I just let it go?

The Quarter-Life Crisis

2008-04-16T18:13:00.002-05:00

I receive this in a email and I thought it was great! I decided to share it with you all. It really hit home for me today. Recently, I was thinking about some of the same things. I realized that I am actually in the best time of my life and it won't always be this way, so I should just enjoy the ride.

How are you feeling at this point in your life? Have you reached your goals? Do you feel like time is passing you by?

It is when you stop going along with the crowd and start realizing that there are a lot of things about yourself that you didn't know and may or may not like. You start feeling insecure and wonder where you will be in a year or two, but then get scared because you barely know where you are now.

You start realizing that people are selfish and that, maybe, those friends that you thought you were so close to aren't exactly the greatest people you have ever met and the people you have lost touch with are some of the most important ones. What you do not realize is that they are realizing that too and are not really cold or catty or mean or insincere, but that they are as confused as you.

You look at your job. It is not even close to what you thought you would be doing or maybe you are looking for one and realizing that you are going to have to start at the bottom and are scared.

You miss the comforts of college, of groups, of socializing with the same people on a constant basis. But then you realize that maybe they weren't so great after all.

You are beginning to understand yourself and what you want and do not want. Your opinions have gotten stronger. You see what others are doing and find yourself judging a bit more than usual because suddenly you realize that you have certain boundaries in your life and add things to your list of what is acceptable and what is not. You are insecure and then secure. You laugh and cry with the greatest force of your life. You feel alone and scared and confused. Suddenly change is the enemy and you try and cling on to the past with dear life but soon realize that the past is drifting further and further away and there is nothing to do but stay where you are or move forward.

You get your heart broken and wonder how someone you loved could do such damage to you or you lay in bed and wonder why you can't meet anyone decent enough to get to know better. You love someone but maybe love someone else too and cannot figure out why you are doing this because you are not a bad person.

One night stands and random hook ups start to look cheap and getting wasted and acting like an idiot starts to look pathetic. You go through the same emotions and questions over and over and talk with your friends about the same topics because you cannot seem to make a decision.

You worry about loans and money and the future and making a life for yourself and while winning the race would be great, right now you'd just like to be a contender!

What you may not realize is that everyone reading this relates to it. We are in our best of times and our worst of times, trying as hard as we can to figure this whole thing out.

Urgent Question... This Happened Last Night

2008-04-10T19:46:00.000-05:00

WHY would a woman who has a boyfriend invite her heterosexual 'male friend' to hang out for a late night study session, at her apartment -- when her boyfriend is not around?

Peeking in My Window...

2008-04-09T00:03:00.000-05:00

I feel intimated
I feel lost…
I feel terrified
I feel disillusioned
I feel panicky
I feel humiliated
I feel anxious
Then I... Begin to question my ability to write and focus.

I am learning that I have an EXTREMELY hard time focusing. I wonder if my desire to write is good enough to get in debt behind getting a degree. The classes I am taking this semester are a little more difficult than I expected.

One class teaches about sacred and secular practices that influence ritual, ceremony, carnival, rites of passage, the blues, improvisation, “Negro Spirituals”, post- colonialism and the black world from Africa to the Diaspora. I am learning about individuals such as August Wilson, Melvin Van Peebles, DJ Spooky, Malidoma Patric Some, Fela Kuti, Ousmane Sembene, and others. Many of the things explained in the class goes completely against what I believe. (Let’s just say I appreciate my Christian education a little more) but I am not in the class to change my belief, I am there to expand my mind and learn about the world around me…right? I am an open-minded person. (Plus, I need it graduate)

The other class is Reporting & Writing I. I love my teacher and the class structure. I like the fact we go out and report. I don’t like that the story has to be complete (meaning ready for next day press) before the end of class. I never had to write and get my thoughts together so fast. Most of the time I have to report the facts only.( I like to give my opinion) On the flip side I do enjoy learning about writing feature stories, obituaries, and interviewing among other things. What I learned in this class is I DO NOT want to ever be a reporter. I don’t like news stories. However, this class has caused me to question my ability to convey my thoughts on paper clear and concise.

Often times I am intimated by the other students in my class. Their writing is witty, sharp, clear, creative, concise, and a good read. These kids are fresh off the high school newspaper. I know I shouldn’t compare myself to others, but I can’t help it sometimes. We all do it at some point in our lives. I love writing, but is that enough to be a journalist? My goals are simple when I graduate. I want to be a writer that changes the way people think and engage each other through many different outlets. Maybe it’s the style of writing verses my actual ability to write. What I know for sure is I am a creative and expressive writer and I love it!!!

Anyway that’s it for now I have to finish studying for a midterm...pray for me!!!

Until next time on "The Journey of Ms.Devereaux"

Strength, Courage, and Wisdom...

2008-04-04T01:51:00.000-05:00

Beautiful isn't she? That is my grandma!!!

My grandma just celebrated her 90th birthday in January. My family and I got together last weekend to honor her. I know we all have grandma's that we love and cherish. I adore my grandmother, she means the world to me. I love talking to her she has so much knowledge and still a great sense of humor. I often times wish I could record everything she remembers over the past 90 years of life. She was married to a wonderful man and had 12 wonderful children. That's right 12. I hope that one day I can have that peace, kindness, love, joy, and trust in God that she carries with her everyday. After my grandfather past she had to raise the rest of her children alone. I think it was 6 of them left at home. It takes a strong woman to be able to handle a task that great. We get together every Thanksgiving at her house for dinner. I often catch her sitting alone the wall smiling, while everyone else is talking, eating,sleeping,and taking pictures. I ask her" Grandma what are you smiling at?" She says,"Thanking God for letting me see all my family together another year"

For years she has traveled to graduations,weddings,and special events for her family. One of my favorite memories was she would always send me a bday card.Whenever I call her no matter what time it is she is able to talk or let me in her house. Anytime I feel I have no one I can talk to she is always there with her words of wisdom saying "put it in God's hands,baby."

Beatrice Stanmore is my definition of STRENGTH, COURAGE, AND WISDOM. She is not just my grandma, she is my friend and I thank God he has keep her around for us so long.

Tell me who you admire with STRENGTH,COURAGE,AND WISDOM.

Keep Running...

2008-03-18T23:33:00.000-05:00

As I writer I tend to believe I have a creative imagination. But even in my wildest thoughts I couldn’t have created the events that have taken place in my life over the past few months.

When I first determined to start on this journey of moving to Chicago and finishing my undergrad degree I didn’t expect for it to be easy. I figured I would attend school, work and deal with the simple daily issues of life. However, every since I moved here absolutely nothing has been simple about this experience. It started out smooth but around November 2007 things started to slowly get out of hand, people around me changed, some of them disappeared for reasons I will never know, I got jammed in a few very bad/bizarre situations, and for a second I was going to leave Chicago. Don’t get me wrong there have been some very positive and exciting things that have happen which is what keeps me here and the people that pick me up when I stumble.

Two crazy situations happen this week ( we are only on Wednesday) which really made want to give up and go home because, lately I just gotten tired of all the bullish and think “maybe this isn’t what I am suppose to be doing”. Then I start my usual conversation with myself. I asked myself “how bad do I really want to reach my goal”. I thought about all the people I knew personally or read about and how they KEEP RUNNING until they reached their finish line. Recently I learned about my new hero Melvin Van Peebles and his struggle in the 1970’s with Hollywood. My grandma and everything she went through to raise 12 children, C.V.W,my mother, my aunts,uncles, my dad, cousins, friends, and a host of other people’s triumphant stories.

Writing is my passion which I feel is my purpose and obtaining my degree is one of my goals. Today while walking in the rain feeling sorry for myself I reminded myself that you have to fight with every bone in your body for what you want. No matter how hard the punches of life are. Some will knock you down flat on your back, but just get up and KEEP RUNNING. It will never come easy. Although to the average person looking at my situation everything seems cool. But let me let you guys in on a little secret… This experience has been one of the hardest fights in my life on so many different levels.

If you have a goal or dream KEEP RUNNING until you reach the finish line. Don’t let anything stop you, even when you want to give up and you feel you have nothing left you KEEP RUNNING. I tell myself everyday “whatever it takes” meaning whatever it takes to reach my goal I will do. Trust God in everything you do cause without him you can’t do anything. Go after your goals never second guess yourself. I am getting a little tired but trust me I am going to KEEP RUNNING until I cross the finish line.

Survivors Rules…

2008-03-07T22:23:00.000-06:00

Let it be heard and known that I don’t play games and honestly I don’t really get the whole ‘GAME’ when comes to dating. I say what I mean and I mean what I say. Clearly men find it difficult to believe a woman when she says that. I have been advised that it’s all a game until you are married. This presents a problem for me because I try to be as straight forward and direct as possible. There have been some recent weird changes in my so-called ‘dating’ life and I have decided to see if my readers can give me some help on what are the official ‘survivors rules’ of the ‘dating game'. I’m going to give you all some scenarios and I need your help.

Scenarios

1. If you text someone with concern (simply meaning “I’m just trying to see if you are alive and that everything is ok with you”) and they refuse to respond… what does that mean?
2. If someone ‘ignores you’ (voicemail, text, email) for more than three days after you had an ongoing friendship with them for over six months… what does that meant?
3. If someone asks you to be ‘honest with them’, and you do, and then they get upset… What do you do? Do people really want the truth?
4. Today, do most male and female want the relationship become sexual?
5. Men do you really like to chase?
6. Today, do most male and female expect the relationship to become sexual?
7. Does a relationship initially started in a nightclub realistically have a future?
8. If someone came up to you and truthfully stated “Hi, I think you are attractive and would like get intimate with you”… would you be offended, OR, would respect them for being honest? Does this person have a chance?
9. How can you tell if someone is starting to get too ‘attached’?
10. What is your #1 pet peeve when dating?

I hear so many stories about dating because everyone has been in the ‘dating game’ at some point of their lives. However people always find themselves saying “I just don’t understand why this happened?” I think if we had some official ‘dating game ‘rules that everyone used as a guide, maybe this dating thing could go a little smoother. Please let me know what you think because people are getting hurt out here.

Until next time on “The Journey of Ms. Devereaux”

TEXAS, What Happened?

2008-03-05T01:19:00.000-06:00

Possibly I haven't paid close enough attention to the news as I should. However, last I read and seen from the rally at Reunion Arena, Barack Obama had Texas on lock. Granted since I am not in Texas I don't know what's really going on down there. WFAA.com and CNN.com news reported tonight that people came out in record numbers to vote. There are pictures of people in lines longer than I have ever seen for voting in the Dallas/Ft.Worth area. On a positive note I am glad to see so many people came out to vote.

How did Hillary Clinton win Texas?

Did all these people go out and vote for her?

Did Hillary steal this vote?

I am confused, disappointed, and sick to my stomach because I honestly believed Barack Obama was going to win Texas.

I wanted to write a full blog but, I have lost my inspiration.

Let me know what you think, because I just don't get it.

Until next time on "The Journey of Ms.Devereaux"

Your Good Friend and Mine...

2008-02-21T02:59:00.000-06:00

It crawls through your ear like a worm entering your mind and eating away at chunks of your soul until it has completely consumed you. Stripping away dignity, respect, and honor, killing everything in its path, it doesn’t discriminate against race, culture, or gender. It has traveled the globe, has been around since the Garden of Eden and still going strong in the twenty- first century. Many people open the door and let it in, allow me introduce to you our good friend ‘Lying.’

Lying is a horrific act; particularly when told to someone you love or care about. Often times we feel as though we are protecting others from hurt, or keeping ourselves out of trouble. In reality we are being selfish. Lately I have wondered why we lie. I believe since we lie to ourselves it is effortless to lie to someone else. Lying is recreational like a sport, a game almost to see how much one can get away with.

It amazes me how we would rather look somebody dead in their face and tell them a lie rather than to risk telling the truth. Lies tear down people lives, relationship, and trust. Think about how you felt when someone you loved lied. Do you recall the disgust, resentment, uncertainty, and pain you felt when the lie was exposed? Lying destroys relationships and friendships daily.

The problem with a lie is that they are hard to keep up with and remember. There is always a point were you will get caught slipping. No one is a perfect liar. In dating/ relationship the simplest lies are told unnecessarily. The dating world wouldn’t really be a game if people didn’t lie. If you are in a relationship, please respect your mate enough to tell them the truth. The fact of the matter is that the truth hurts, but to be trapped in a lie is like death. A man/ woman who cheat on their mates have to lie to such a great extent that everyone ends up losing. However, if that man/woman had been honest with themselves about whatever is causing them to cheat, there would be no need for a lie.

I believe the key is to be honest with yourself first, and then you will be honest with others. If the truth was told more often we would find ourselves in less awkward situation. There are milliseconds between a question and the answers were you chose to tell the truth or a lie. If you don’t feel guilty when you lie you have been lying for way to long.

I challenge you to go a full day, 24 hours without telling a lie and tell me what happens.

Why do you lie and why do you think people lie?

“The worst lies are the lies we tell ourselves. We live in denial of what we do, even what we think. We do this because we're afraid. We fear we will not find love, and when we find it we fear we'll lose it. We fear that if we do not have love we will be unhappy.” - Richard Bach

Until next time on "The Journey of Ms. Devereaux

Nas Has Lost His Mind...

2008-02-15T02:31:00.001-06:00

I am not sure if you guys have seen or heard about this. Personally, I don't understand why he believes he can or should take the time to change or even discuss this issue. There are so many other things he could have chose to talk about. Here are a few...

Fatherless children

Uneducated Children

Crime killing young black children

Poor Haitains Eating Dirt

Click here and watch the video of Nas explaining to CNN.

I don't understand this guy and I would like to know what you all think. Like my cousin says I am really scratching my head on this one. This is the last thing we need while a black man is running for President. Is it just me or is Nas losing his mind!!!

Do you agree?...

2008-02-11T17:13:00.000-06:00

A friend of mine sent this to me and I would like know what you guys think about this list. Do you agree? What would you add or delete?

A Woman Should Know:
God
To love herself
Reciprocation
Money Management
How to do her hair/makeup
Take care of their bodies (workout)
They need to have the reliable "lil black/red dress"
Control their emotions
Say what they mean
Don't ask questions they don't want the answers to
Change a tire
A man needs to be held too
She should have at least one real male friend (nothing more nothing less than friendship)
PMS is not an excuse
Find yourself before you find a man
Men are insecure about their bodies too
Exes do make us uncomfortable
The difference between a phillips and flat head screwdriver
How to use at least one power tool
One sport
Name of a team in that sport
A player on that team
Maybe a fact about the sport
Cook at least one thing off the chain

Every man should know:
God
how to change a diaper
how to clean/cook/wash clothes for himself
that a woman also wants to be seduced
that a woman loves a man who smells amazing.
how to really kiss
how to caress
how to use his hands...i.e. fix things around the house, in the car
that paying for dinner is not outdated
how to be romantic
that a woman is not a mind reader that is why we ask so many questions...be expressive, communicate!!!
reading is fundamental
how to manage money
that investing early is the key to success
what type of person they would like to be in the future...ie have a plan
drinking themselves under the table is not cute
to show their emotions
know at least one "chic-flick" they can tolerate and appreciate
be consistant
Ask questions...don't guess.
be a comfort not a "mr. fix" it

I Love You...

2008-02-07T15:24:00.000-06:00

“I love you” is an extremely powerful phrase. Often times it’s misused. There are times when friends cross my mind, and I don’t have anything to say, but I just want to let them know that I am thinking about them. Recently, I called a friend and all I could think to say on their voicemail was “I love you”. Little did I know how it would impact my friend and whatever was going on their life. This got me to thinking how often do we say this phrase and really mean it? Whether it’s a mate, friend, family, or church member, I believe saying “I love you” is just as heartfelt as a hug, smile, or kiss.

Often times we get caught up in our busy lives and assume that those we love should just know how we feel about them. Although you may think you show it in your actions, it makes a HUGE difference when you say it. You never know what a person is going through. This life we live can get so hard and knowing that someone loves you can give you just enough of a push to keep going.

Remember we aren’t able to control the time we have with our love ones. Each day try to make the effort of letting those close to you know you love them by saying “I love you”. It really can make a difference especially if you show it in your actions as well.

I really don’t have much more to say about this subject, but I think you all get my point.

Until next time on “The Journey of Ms.Devereaux.”

MSCH Disease…

2008-01-28T21:12:00.000-06:00

BREAKING NEWS!!!

MSCH is affecting all humans worldwide and everyone is at risk. After extended research of this new disease my team and I became concern and felt it was our American duty to save all my readers before they became infected. For those who may have already been infected with this terrible disease there is hope. Recently I was tested and given antibiotics to assist in controlling this disease. If you are wondering how you know if you may be infected I have taken the liberty to make a list of the ten most common symptoms….

1.If you log on daily or more than once a day.

2.If you tend to research (stalk) strangers or other addicts you know.

3.If you take pictures especially for this purpose.

4.If you have backgrounds saved on your hard drive for next time you decide to change it, and you change your background more than 6 times a month.

5.If you find yourself saying the phrase…look me up and send me a message, instead of giving your phone number.

6.If you have 6 photo albums and 3 slide shows with pictures ranging from your birth to your adult life including all family and friends nation wide and you are 46yrs old. Yet you still feel the need to update current photos of yourself.

7.If you find yourself saying this phrase…Oooh I am going to put this song on my page. Or you steal songs from other addicts pages.

8.If you feel like it is your civic duty to publicize your REAL mood each day on your page.

9.If you have 2563 friends and you only know 10 of them and the tenth one is Tom

10.If you portray yourself as something you aren’t…example: Model/Actress when you have never seen a professional camera nor have you ever been in a something as simple as the church Easter play.

11.No, I am just going to stop here because I would be blogging all day. I take that back, I am going to go ahead and say it. My pet peeve is when people put phrases on their pages and we all know they are talking to someone in particular. For goodness sake why not just tell them yourself. You know where their page is.

One more thing, in the About Me part, could you tell at least a small version of the truth?

Yes folks that’s right you are a MySpace Crack Head if any of the above fits you. Of course I could go on and on about this addition, but these are just my top ten. Feel free to contact us if you know of other symptoms or for assistance and help.

Until Next time on “The Journey of Ms.Devereaux”

But She's WHAT ?!?!... (click on the words in orange)

2008-01-24T00:47:00.000-06:00

She IS...
smart
funny
supportive
athletic
cooks
cleans
family-oriented
well-traveled
educated
kind
thoughtful
EVERYONE she meets loves her, and the list goes on, but most of all…she loves and respects her black man.

Let me tell you just a little more about her, she has blonde hair, blues eyes, and pale skin. That's right, she is WHITE! Yep, a Caucasian -- for you educated folk!

Wait...before you let your blood pressure get high, let’s take a moment and sort this whole interracial relationship (mainly Black Man/ White Woman) thing out. First, I personally have never paid attention or cared about interracial relationships. But, I did think that no one could care or understand a black mans struggle and pain like a Black Woman could. However, you all know that being in Chicago has opened my eyes to things that didn't cross my mind in TX.

Countless times I watch Black Women get emotional when they see Black Men with White Women and you can see the steam bursting from their ears. It seems to be extremely enraging for educated, strong, beautiful, and kind Black Women to see a Black Man with a White Woman. On the other hand, however, it is extremely painful or annoying for a Black Man to walk pass countless Black Women and get a cold shoulder or narrowed eyes, as I have observed numerous times (not everyone, so don’t take it personal).

Plenty of times I have asked (and some of you also) Black Men this question, "Why would you get in a relationship with a White Woman?” The common response is "less drama.” We can argue all day on whether or not that is true. What I have noticed is that white women tend to be friendlier, more open, easy going, and generally non-confrontational. I know your response "White Women don't have the same struggle as we Black Women do, so that’s why it’s easy for them to be friendly.” Is this really a true response? Being polite and cordial with a smile is a choice.

I think we should be more open to love verses color. Also, we need to take a look at ourselves before getting upset at someone else’s preference. So I ask...

When you first started reading this post did you think she was Black?

So she’s White, does it matter if she gives all that to her man?

What are your thoughts on this type (Black Man/White Woman) relationship?

Is he CRAZY to let this White woman go, just because she doesn't fit someone else's mold?

Are we driving our Black Men away?

Faithful readers I want to ‘hear ya’ on this subject, as it’s a huge concern for Black Women (and White Men). And, I am very interested in hearing what your have to say. Men PLEASE respond. Folks, tell me if I wrong about this.

Until next time on “The Journey of Ms. Devereaux"

Man + Woman = Friends ?

2008-01-16T08:52:00.000-06:00

This is an age old subject that has been talked about for years. Now I need to come to some type of conclusion because I am confused.

What is the definition of friends when it pertains to male and female? Can women and men have platonic friendships? If so how?

There seems to be only three levels to dating; friends, dating, and a relationship. But what is the difference in friends, friends with benefits, and dating?

When a man and a woman are friends do they have the same rules as two women or two men being friends?

If you are indeed just friends how do keep a platonic friendship? Are there any rules?

Why does a woman need a man friend?

How many men know when she says you’re “friends” that you really want more than a friendship?

Why does a man want a woman friend, especially if you have female relatives (sister, cousins)?

If you are in a relationship why do you need a friend of the opposite sex?

I just want to crack the code, often times in dating or just everyday life we refer to the opposite sex as “friends” but what do we really mean? I believe if you can’t do the same things you do with your friends of the same sex as with opposite sex then you are not friends. In the dating game it can get confusing when being told we are “friends”.

Example: Let’s say Craig and you are “friends”, you all are cool, hang out, laugh, and talk about your issues and everything else “friends” do. But one day you all hang out to late and spend the night (as you would with one of your girlfriends) over his house. That night Craig begins to take things to another level, confusion arises because Craig said we are “friends”. If you don’t kiss, touch, cuddle, rub, nor are you intimate with your same sex friends, why are you trying to take it to that level? Well I am glad you ask….

Men and women aren’t “friends” that is just a bullish title in order not to put any pressure on either parties and in the event something does happen one person can always say its nothing we're just “friends”. Now you are sitting there with your face broke because you really never knew what it meant to be just “friends”. At the end of the day it seems to me we are seeking something from the opposite sex that our girlfriend or guy friends aren’t giving us. I know so many of you are going to say “I have plenty “friends” who I haven’t been intimate with nor am I interested in them”. That may be the case but are you really friends.

I could definitely be wrong about this whole “friend” concept, so I need you as my faithful readers to tell me what it means to be friends with the opposite sex and how do you keep it on a friend level?

Until next time “On the Journey of Ms. Devereaux”

Hands That Stand

2008-01-09T08:12:00.002-06:00

ADMIRE: to regard with wonder, pleasure, or approval
One thing about living in Chicago that I wouldn’t normally experience in Texas is the personal interactions of strangers on a daily basis. I began to notice the amount of blue collar workers around the city. Oddly enough many of them are black men; of course I love black men who will work, I love your hustle, I am your cheerleader. Plus most of them are very handsome! If I had money I would treat all the hard working blue and white collar black men to a day of pampering and just showing appreciation for all their hard work and struggles. Everyday I see one sweeping the subway stairs, moping the lobby of an office building, riding on the back of the garbage truck, directing traffic, driving the bus, working behind the security desk, lugging cases of drinks in the convenient store. I always look at most of these men and wonder how often they are told they are appreciated and you are doing a good job.

Then you have the white collar black men, who I see walking in the financial district or in the downtown office building dressed in their suits, armed with their briefcase, and ready to do their best in a corporate game that doesn’t really want them around. I believe black men have it the hardest and I am not sure we say I am proud of you or I appreciate you often enough. There are times when if you just say hello or how you doing that could brighten their day especially some of the mean looking black women (sorry but its no secret ya’ll look mean) something to make them smile it can add a boost to there already hard day.

The other day I saw a black man that was maybe in his 50’s crying on the bus. I couldn’t imagine what would bring this grown man to tears on a bus full of strangers. He wasn’t crying hard or loud but you could see the tears flowing from his eyes. My heart hurt for him and all I could do was write him a note saying I didn’t know what burdened him, but that I would pray for him and he should trust the Lord with his issues. It’s hard out here in this world but I think for black men they have it the hardest.

We need our black men. They are the hands we stand on. I just think it would be nice if we weren’t so busy being so mad about them possibly not dating someone who looks like us but paying more attention to uplifting and appreciating them, then-- maybe we could start to change one person at a time. The next time you see a black man--city,suburb, or country, SMILE and say hello. The next time one opens the door for you SMILE and say thank you. If you are close enough, SMILE and say how are you doing today? If a black man is living in your home and he gets up everyday and goes to face a world that doesn’t really want him there, when he comes home, let him know that you appreciate him.

I could go on and on, but you all know what I am talking about. Lets learn to appreciate our hardworking black men.

When you think about a black man what comes to your mind?

When is the last time that you told a black man you ADMIRE him?

Please respond to these questions, I am asking for a reason.

Until next time on “The Journey of Ms. Devereaux”

Breathe Again...

2007-12-19T13:52:00.000-06:00

Can you hear me? I am screaming loud to the heavens full joy, as I stand in the middle of a field watching my dreams come true. I can breathe again!!!! I can’t believe I completed my first semester of school. Whew, what a semester it was, I definitely did way to much “extra” but I enjoyed it all every step of the way. I know the number one question is how did I my grades turn out? Well I won’t be answering that question just maybe only two people will know and probably not even that. This semester gave me exposure to some extremely talented, creative, driven, and weird individuals. Although my school is expensive I love it. Granted there are days I didn’t want to go (4hours one class) and sometimes even felt as though I didn’t learn anything that day. I think I may have jumped into a few things a little to fast, and maybe hang out a little too often but hey you live and you learn. I don’t know if I should say this but I am proud of myself. I know my unspoken challenges and fears in my mind and I know how many hurdles I gotten over personally this semester. I am definitely enjoying my break and have a clear vision on how next semester should go.

Thank you to everyone who helped me, if I had money you all would get Christmas gifts. But I don’t, so I say thank you for the advice, tears, emails, internet usage, late conversation, harsh words, laughter, parties, prayers, and most of all support. You know people always say they are there for you. I definitely put that to the test this semester. I am thankful to God for the people who he placed in my life because for the most part they accept me for who I am while in process try to make me better.

I am definitely over the whole glamour of living in Chicago, but I do like it here despite the cold weather and expensive cost of living. The other day it was snowing so hard and I was at the bus stop, by the time I got on the bus I looked like a snow man….lol. It was pretty, I guess. This is a great city and a lot of opportunity and networking can be done if you take advantage of it. You all will see as each of you takes time to come visit me…lol.

Funny, but unfortunate and embarrassing story: You all know I have my internship with www.glossmagazineonline.com. Remember I sent out the email about dating with kids? Well I am writing what I think is going to be a GREAT article, I get half way finish and read my editorial calendar again and realize I was doing the wrong story! Talk about sick, I was ready to leap out of the window! However, this is such a great subject I am going to blog about it and still submit the article maybe for another issue. Thank you all for your help with that.

Anyway I know you all don’t like long blogs, plus I am tapped out on words for a little bit. I will definitely be back soon since I have so much I have been observing. Happy Holidays folks!

Until next time on “The Journey of Ms.Devereaux”

PAINT IT BLACK!!!!

2007-11-15T08:19:00.000-06:00

Hey Folks, I can't begin to express in words the emotions I feel and, how proud I am to have been apart of such an amazing event sponsored by the Black Student Union last night. But I am going to try my best!

It is safe to say this was the best program Columbia College Chicago has seen this semester. I know you are wondering what Paint It Black is. Paint It Black pays tribute to African American Artist new and old such as Billie Holiday, Stevie Wonder, Alvin Ailey, Maya Angelou, Mary J. Blige, Katherine Dunham, Langston Hughes, Gordon Parks and all performances were by Columbia College Chicago students.

We all worked intensely on this project, for a moment is consumed our lives. It started as a vision of the BSU facility sponsor and became a reality last night. During the development process it didn't seem like things were going to come out like we all imagined. Everything continually changed, people didn't agree, advertisement wasn't going well, everyone had an opinion and not everyone had action. You all know how it can be when there are too many chiefs and not enough Indians. Honestly, many times I wanted to walk away from this project because it seemed so chaotic. I worked on the order of the performance and, I didn't realize until last night how important it was. You didn't want to bore people to death, but you had some acts that were longer, and you had to keep everyone attention. On paper it didn't seem completely right, but last night it flowed perfectly, and all the hard work paid off!!! Did I mention we had delicious soul food!!!

I never got a chance to see the talent chosen from the audition since I was always so busy with other stuff. Now I am glad I didn't see them until last night, I was able to appreciate them more. Let me tell you, there is some serious talent at Columbia College. You know how sometimes everyone is not so impressive, and a few are great? Not here... everyone was GREAT!! Not to mention the band was spectacular. Did I mention we started at 7pm (which was exactly on schedule) and ended 9:50pm which gave the audience and performers time to have a jam session. Last night I worked on the audio and visual (where did I learn that from) part of the slide show (yes I messed up a few times), it was so funny to keep hearing people say" wow I can't believe they are on schedule". Yep that's right black people can start and end on time, even with a little bit of extra jam sessions. The best moment of the night was when the last Stevie Wonder song "Living in the City" was sung. We stood there in the back watching the audience and the performer have a great time singing along (doing the electric slide) and our mission had been accomplished. The emotions I felt last night I can't even explain. It actually turned out better than we all imagined.

With my short lived time here in Chicago, I am extremely excited to have been a part of something so GREAT! Shout out to BSU!!! We did it!! Now let’s try to pass our classes this semester and get some sleep.

Oh yeah did I mention that one of my articles is featured in a newsletter that goes out across Chicago...WOW!

Until next time on “The Journey of Ms. Devereaux"

Ok I Am Back...

2007-11-07T13:01:00.000-06:00

Hey folks, I know it has been awhile since I have spoken with you but I have been busy for real this time and, a lot of cool things are going with me. I wanted to write sooner but I just didn't know what to say. I mean am I talking about the same things over and over? Do I bore my readers yet? Anyway enough with the random questions let me tell you guys everything I can remember has happen to me over the last month.

I took my first midterm in 5yrs and I almost had a stroke, of course I was the last person in the class to finish. I have no clue how I did and there were a few distractions.

I wrote my first two articles that will be published in an online magazine this month through my internship. I am so EXCITED about that.

I went on a couple of dates... nothing to talk about really.

I have been having extreme writers block lately.

I turned 26yrs old a couple of weeks ago we had a blast (shout out to the girls!) and I feel good at this point in my life which is really a great feeling.

I am suppose to give someone a quarter every time I curse, I am officially $99.25 in the hole...lol I really need to stop cursing but it seems like nothing else can express the passion I feel about a particular subject at the time like a curse word. I know it is wrong and not ladylike, but I am dealing with it....lol

Why when you tell someone you didn't hear them they feel the need to talk slower instead of louder?

It is cold here finally and I do not like it.

I have been going out and having fun, doing my single, grown & sexy thang, which is odd and cool at the same time.

I don't think I like my fiction writing class anymore, I feel like knowing all the techniques behind writing doesn't make it fun anymore. However the information is helpful and I am sure will make me a better writer, but it is not fun anymore.

I had some really good topics to blog about but since I don't have my own computer the ideas get lost in translation in my head.

I am happy I went to therapy before I came here, it is really helping me cope with people and there ways. Shout out to the House of Healing and Mr. D!

Is it me or there are way too many school shootings going on lately?

I think I have to be careful now because I was so excited about my blog I would tell everyone about it and want them to read. Since these other indivuals don't know me they might think I am really off balanced.

I went to see American Gangster it was great! I love Idris Alba and of course Denzel is amazing, let me not forget Common. T.I. is so skinny.

Over all people, I am living life enjoying every step of my journey. God is truly good to me despite my evil ways. I am grateful for my daily experiences, those who help me everyday as I take these steps toward success, my guardian angel, I am thankful that I have people who really believe in me. I am thankful that I am starting to believe in myself and my abilities. Anyone who is looking to make a change in there life as I always say go for it!

I can't wait to go home for Thanksgiving and see my GRANDMA and EAT!

Anyway I have to go I will let you all know when my articles are out. Until next time on “The Journey of Ms. Devereaux". I hope I didn't bore you guys too much I just have alot on my mind. We will talk again soon and I won't stay gone so long.

Confessions of An Addict... Pt.1

2007-10-10T09:47:00.000-05:00

You cannot walk with GOD and hold hands with the Devil.

An addiction is a recurring compulsion by an individual to engage in some specific activity.

Can you imagine having an addiction and no matter how bad you want to change your habit it seems impossible? I have a SECRET... I am addict and my drug of choice I won't mention, but I am going to rehab. Today while walking to work I came to this realization. I think we all have addiction whether we admit it or not. Your addiction can be things such as drugs, food, sex, pain, men, women, gambling, shopping, pornography, computers (internet), work, exercise, religion etc. Thinking about my own addiction I begin to feel bad for individuals who are addicted to drugs. I mean, what a hellish life to live when you know you should change but in your mind it seems impossible. I would love to wake up in the morning and be over my addiction, but that is not the way it works instead I keep doing the same thing every single day not being able to control myself. Now I realize I have an addiction I understand how people lose everything because of the money they spend. I don't necessary spend money; however it does cost me alot of time that I can never get back.

Here is what I don't understand, how do you know if you will become an addict to something, and is it an addiction or OCD? What are the signs to recognize if you have addictive behavior? When does the pattern of behavior become an addiction? Is the real problem that addicts don't have self control? I don't know the answers to these questions, maybe ya'll do. What I do know is that I think I might understand what it is like to be a drug addict and I feel bad for them.

I know when ya'll read this most of ya'll are going to be like huh? What is she talking about? I am not addicted to an ILLEGAL DRUG just to clear that up but I do have an addiction. I would like to hear what some of ya’ll have to say about this blog.

Until next time on "The Journey of Ms. Devereaux"

As I Pick My Nails....

2007-10-08T13:04:00.000-05:00

Hey folks, as I pick my nails today I figure I would update everyone on what I did this last week. Well this week was a cool and busy some interesting things happen...

I got sick as a dog on Monday, those of you who know me are aware that I am the worst person to get sick. However lucky for me my cousin healed me in hours

I went to another comedy show with Damon Williams and of course I was laughing LOUD!!

I got an internship with www.glossmagazineonline.com I am NERVOUS but I know I can handle it.

We said goodbye to a family member and it was sad.

Oh I went to Andrews University this weekend with Michelle and Meghan to see her twin sister Morgan. On Sabbath morning the devil was on my back, because I had HORRIBLE ATTITUDE. I didn't even want to go to church, but everyone made me go. At first I didn't go in church I sat outside in the car just upset and I really didn't know why other than the fact my hair looked as though I had been in a fight with the comb. Finally I got my attitude together after praying and went into church. Ya'll church was great Dr. Jules from NY preach, the music was great the whole service was amazing. Later that evening we went back to a program they had called "The Celebration of Gospel”. It was GREAT, I have never been to concert I enjoyed that much. The only problems were these girls were sitting behind us talking loud and yelling loud in my ear. You know me, I turned around and ask them to stop and they got pissed and started talking about me and got louder. What do you all think I did then? Despite those chicks I had a great time.

I wonder why I stay up so late; I don't function well in the morning no matter what time I go to sleep.

I am still having emotional hair problems.

It sure seems like a long way till 120 credit hours to graduate from college

Why do people spell their names when its something simple like "Jimmy Brown", but when there name is Ojuebma Witheusebio they don't think they should take the time to spell it, they just sit there and wait for you to ask them to spell their stupid names. (My call center family knows what I mean)

Why do people always feel the need to state the obvious?

Someone left a comment under "bean child" Who are you?

I see my previous post didn't change anything, just like black folks that’s ok I still love my readers. Every week I learn someone new reads my blogs and that is always exciting to me.

I could go on and on but I won't...

Until next time on "The Journey of Ms. Devereaux

A Morning Gone Wrong...

2007-10-03T09:54:00.000-05:00

Hey folks, I know we have all experienced “A Morning Gone Wrong", if you don't know what I mean let me explain. Have you ever woke up in the morning at 6:50am when you should have gotten up at 6:00am? First, you are upset the clock is going off since it feels like you just closed your eyes 30mins ago. Second, you hope you forgot to cut your alarm off and it’s really the weekend. Third, you realize you have to catch your bus at 7:15am. (At least I have to). Once all this has set in your mind, you immediately leap from your bed not realizing your foot is tangled in the sheets and you hit the floor face first. If you weren't awake before, you definitely are now. In these times seconds count in order to possibly still make it to work on time. Like myself I have to catch the bus(and the bus will drive off while you are running down the street), I know for you all back home it is a matter of what kind of morning traffic you will get caught in. If you are like me, most of you have a routine in the morning but on this tragic morning your routine has to be modified. Now decisions have to be made, do I take a shower or a wash off, what can I wear that doesn't have to be iron, do I get something to eat or just not think about my stomach growling, and there is no time for make-up.

Once you finally get to the door with your clothes hanging half way off your body, ready to get in your car or lock the door that dreadful question rings out... WHERE ARE MY KEYS?!!! You are way past panic mood because the hope you had to make it to work on time has just disappeared. The thought of finding your keys is enough to make you call in to work. You have sweat rolling down your face, heart pounding, you begin running around the house like a chicken with its head cut off. WHEW, you found your keys ok get to work! Due to some freak of nature from the doorstep to your car you manage to drop almost everything in your hand at least once. For me I dropped my money while crossing a busy intersection when the light was about to turn green. After all this has happen you finally get to work on time exhausted, sweaty, stressed, and ready to go home before the day has even begun. Folks this happen to me the other day and I figure it has happen to you also, maybe even this week. If indeed you haven't experienced “A Morning Gone Wrong" be thankful because it’s not fun but it is extremely FUNNY!!!

Until next time on "The Journey of Ms. Devereaux"

Am I Talking To Myself...

2007-10-03T08:38:00.000-05:00

Hello my lovely readers, how are you all doing? This blog is to inform you all on the importance of comments on my blog. I felt the need to write this blog because like myself, many of you are new to this experience. I know some of you may think that reading my blog is like reading a book, you don't comment when you read a book so why comment on the blog? Well I am glad you asked. As the writer of the blog I am extremely interested in knowing my readers thoughts. When my readers don't comment it’s like I am having a conversation with myself. There are times when my blogs don't always require a response, you may not have anything to say, or you might not feel comfortable writing your name (hint: anonymous) I can understand those occasions. However, on this last blog "I Don't Want To Grow Up" there was a direct question which required an answer from my readers.

Another important point about comments is that it allows me too see who reads my blogs, and I also see if my audience is growing. When I speak with some of you over the phone I definitely appreciate your comments on how you enjoy my blogs. All I am saying people is that as much as you enjoy reading my blogs I enjoy reading your comments, it’s exciting. Now knowing black folks I can't help but think nothing will change, but for once I will be optimistic.

Thank you in advance for you cooperation.

Thank you to my readers who already comment I love you!

Until next time on "The Journey of Ms. Devereaux"

I Don't Want To Grow Up...

2007-09-27T09:42:00.000-05:00

I always knew growing up would be hard. As a kid I never said “I can't wait to grow up", all I ever wanted was for my parents to stop asking me questions. According to my father I will never get old enough to reach that goal...lol. What does it mean to grow up? I definitely have no clue because I think I am still a kid at heart.

Does it mean you pay your own bills?

Does it mean you can no longer cry when things go wrong?

Does it mean accepting reality whether you like it or not?

Does it mean getting married and having kids?

Does it mean you no longer act childish?

I really don’t know what it means I am still on the search for the answer myself. However, what I do know is, growing up or being grown is hard. Maybe someone did warn me about growing up and I didn't listen to them. Is it that I am spoiled and that is I why I don't want to grow up? Luckily, I always have people in my life to remind me of the fact that whether I want to grow up or not, I have to, because this is real life, not a fairytale. (You know who you are)

Ok, folks I would like for you all to tell me what your definition of being grown is, once I read your comments maybe I will have a better idea...

Until next time on “The Journey of Ms. Devereaux"

Days Of My Life...

2007-09-25T09:37:00.000-05:00

I know it’s been while since I have been on here so I have alot to update you on. How are all my readers doing? Over the last couple of weeks I have...

Finally went to DUSTIES!!!! My favorite soul food resturant

Attended a school activity called "Big Mouth" its like a talent show, but it was very interesting almost ghetto didn't know so many black kids attended Columbia. The best performances was a girl who did an amazing poem, and this he/she (born as a man, but look and dress as a woman) with his dancer, they performed Beyonce song “Freakum Dress” I wish I had it on tape, I can’t began to describe how good the he/she was, oh yeah not to mention his hair was flawless. Of course I asked him what he put on his hair to get it so straight. There was a guy who had the phrase “Free Jena 6” cut in the back of his head, I thought that was cool

Someone told me Bible stands for: Basic Instructions Before Leaving Earth. Maybe you all have heard of this before but I thought it was pretty cool

I attended Sabbath dinner with the youth at the church here, great food, interesting conversation, it was cool but of course I miss my Grace Temple family.

I still like my job it’s so funny to talk to people; customers call in to argue for anything. One lady threw a complete fit about $2.00 when it cost her more to have that conversation about the $2.00. One individual wanted to know why he was charged .05 more than the amount quoted. Also they seem to have a hard time spelling Tia which is the name I go by. I get upset most when people ask for a phone number and when you give them the number they always say" hold on let me get a pen" what have you been doing all this time I was talking. Whew, sometimes these people make me laugh and crazy at the same time. For those of you who worked in call centers you know what I mean.

I joined the Black Student Union, and Columbia College Association of Black Journalist. We have an event already planned that’s kind of exciting.

My "I Have a Dream" moment happen last week when I attended the Jena 6 march with BSU at my school, it was a great turn out, and exciting to witness people join together for an important cause. We listen to a few speakers then marched around the Daley Center (I think that is the name) honestly folks I couldn't imagine marching back in the day when it wasn't as peaceful as I experienced that night. I can't explain how I felt but it was definitely an extraordinary experience.

There is a cutie at my school gym; do you think that will make me go work out now? Hmmmm

I haven't had any random stranger run-ins lately...lol

I have been foolishly wearing heels around the city, I look sexy I think, but it hurts sometimes, women have it so hard or maybe its just women who by cheap shoes…LOL

I have been going to the wrong class for the first two weeks...lol it wasn't funny at first until it was all straighten out.

I left my keys at home yesterday and I was standing at the door of my building, this guy comes out and tells me he couldn't let me in. At first I was upset since my day begins at 6am and doesn't end until 10pm on Monday and Tuesday, but I know security is more important.

I want to go see some movies I haven't seen anything lately ya'll know I always saw everything that hit the theater... no reason for saying this it is just random thought

Oops I went shopping and I officially love thrift stores I got a jacket, shirt, a pair of jeans, and a scarf for $20.00. Is that still considered shopping?

I don't like reading out loud anymore, in my fiction writing class we have to read out loud, and when its my turn I sound like a 2nd grader reading. I do know how to read maybe it was just that day.

Oh yeah I went to a comedy club with my cousin and some friends. Those who know me know that I laugh loud. Well it was only 4 blacks in the whole club and the black comedian kept calling us out, of course it didn't help that I was laughing loud, but they were hilarious. I need a cute girly laugh...lol I still had a BLAST I want to go again.

Well that’s all folks until next time on "The Journey of Ms. Devereaux

Don't Look Back...

2007-09-25T08:42:00.001-05:00

Recently, I notice myself falling into some of my old ways. I believe it started when I went home Labor Day Weekend, maybe it was too soon to return home. For a brief moment over the last few weeks I think I have taken my eyes off the prize. My light bulb moment happen yesterday when I received my grade on an assignment, trust me it was awful and no you will never know the grade. Anyway I have the tendency to always remember the way things or people were back in day. This thought process allows me to move forward but not as far because I consistently look back. I don't think I like change to much either, its weird since my entire life has been nothing but change, really I don't like people changing on me but it happens. When I made this move I planned on making some positive change, and at first that was happening with no problem. You know it’s a daily fight to try and improve yourself, and let me tell you for me it’s extremely hard. I believe it is ok to look back for lessons learned, but not when those memories will hold you back from moving forward with life. With all this said I am getting my focus back on track and looking at the light at the end of the tunnel. My grades shouldn't look HORRIBLE anymore, and if it does for some insane reason then I can't tell you what I am going to do...lol

Until next time on "The journey of Ms. Devereaux

100 Questions...

2007-09-10T21:10:00.000-05:00

OMG!!! I went to my second class today "Grammar for Journalist". We all know I am in desperate need of this class, so I am extremely excited about learning. My teacher is a black lady whose worked in Journalism for the last 20yrs. She worked with the major publications here in Chicago and currently does freelance writing, she know what she is talking about. Today, of course we went over class expectation, everyone told a little about themselves, and blah, blah, blah. Then tragedy strikes, she hands out a diagnostic test to show our level in class. Those of you who are familiar with my testing abilities know I immediately PANIC when I got the test. I HATE TEST!! I begin to stress, sweat, pick at my face, pop my gum (smacking), just completely losing it. I don't do well on test, and this will definitely change. The test had 100 grammar questions on it. Ya'll I had to take the teacher outside (I felt so embarrassed) after reading over the questions and let her know I didn't know any of the information on the paper. I asked if maybe I should be in a remedial class, because I didn't know anything. She explained to me it was just to see our level, that I am probably not the only one, and just do my best. After taking the test, my class went over the answers and I wasn't the only brilliant-idiot. Even though I may have only gotten 6 answers right, I wasn't the only one that missed numerous questions. Once I realized we all were struggling I felt better, knowing that by the end of this semester I will write on alot better. (I hope)

Most of the things we covered I don't remember discussing since 6th grade in Language Arts class. Where has my mind been since then? I wonder why my English teachers in high school never noticed my problems. It's funny how we can skate though life without noticing certain problems until it becomes a major hurdle. I know I have a few struggles that I am working on and ask that you all pray for me. Out of everything I have experienced in life returning to school, and readjusting my entire life on so many levels is by far the hardest, exciting, and scary life event yet. I know God will help me through this, because I can't stop, I have to GRADUATE!!!

Until next time on "The Journey of Ms. Devereaux"

Maybe it's just me...

2007-09-07T19:57:00.000-05:00

Lately, I feel as though I have been on an emotional rollercoaster. Don't mistake this for complaining, because I have absolutely nothing to complain about. Life is great I couldn't have put myself at a better place at this point in my life. Over the last couple of week’s alot has happen so let me catch you up. Oh yeah, where are my manners how are my readers doing? It's really a great joy to know there are people who are interested in reading your thoughts. At first I thought no one would be interested, but to my surprise there are quite a few readers. Thank you for reading my blog; honestly it’s just my boring little thoughts. Ok enough sensitive talk back to the events of my life...

Funny Moments: Yesterday Laila Ali (Muhammad Ali daughter) was filming something across the street from my job. Of course I am nosey so I was looking and trying to walk at the same time, I tripped and almost fell but I caught myself. I attempted to play it off but a couple of people saw me and asked if I was ok...lol

This morning I was listening to Steve Harvey and walking to work. Steve Harvey is crazy so for a moment I forgot I was around other people, he said something so funny I began laughing out loud (ya'll know my country laugh) like I was at home alone in front of the TV. After I realize what I did, I looked around and this guy asked if everything was ok. He thought I was crying, for a moment I was almost embarrassed. We ended up having a good conversation on the way to work. Of course he made me miss the rest of Steve Harvey Morning Show but I guess that is ok.

I went home for Labor Day Weekend, although I had a good time I do remember why I left in the first place.

Oh, for those of you who don't know I do have a job and I like it. I am looking for 3 more jobs so I can afford to live here...LOL Can you believe they are going up on transportation, hence the reason I walk to and from work everyday. I am cheap and need to get in shape!

I went to my first class this week. It was 4 hours long, I couldn't imagine what we would discuss for 4 hours but time flew by. It is a Fiction Writing course I am taking because; I have been working on a book for a loooooonnnnnnnggggg time and would like to finish it. The class really allows you to pull your creativity onto the paper so your audience can grasp the picture you are painting with your words (I LOVE THAT). At first I felt a little intimidated because everyone else work was so great. I talked to one of my close friends and she said I scare easy and should be glad to be around young people who have fresh ideas. (Ok, I didn't think about it like that) Monday I'm taking my "Grammar for Journalist" class, we will see if I learn something if my grammar on my blogs improve then that means I am getting my monies worth.

I wonder do I expect too much from people. In my mind I give people my all but I don't feel I get the same in return all the time (maybe payback for what I did). That's fine I guess everyone is different and doesn't play by the same rules of life. I hold different people to certain standards and expect that they will live up to them (I guess they really don't have too). Ok I get it now I should allow people to be who they are, life does go on! Wheeeew for years I have been losing it because I felt misused, I understand I think, people are not going to always treat you the way you treat them and today I am glad to say that's OK. That’s life! I am not mad at anyone for being who they are; I just have to learn to accept people for who they show me to be. At that point, I determine whether to have them in my life or remove myself from those individuals.

I ate so well when I went home last weekend that was great! It was so good seeing everyone.

Last night I was going back and reading my old journal entries from 2005 in my diary. I couldn't believe how so many of my thoughts back then have manifested themselves now. Without certain events happening I wouldn't have ever made it here. I believe keeping a journal is the best thing a person can do. It allows you to witness your own growth. I have journals from 1997 that I use to read, the issues I had then were so meaningless but funny. If you don't keep a journal start, there are some thoughts in 2005 that I definitely no longer believe in 2007.

Do any of ya'll know the story behind honey-devereaux? If not, I might have to give you the breakdown on it one day.

Well that is all I can remember right now I am going to go home and get ready for church in the morning. Did ya'll like the song I put on here by Fantasia I love that song I listen to it everyday. I am going to play it at my graduation “I’M HERE" it drives my cousin crazy but after years of hearing it he will sing with me soon....LOL!

Until next time on the Journey of Ms. Devereaux

I miss you...

2007-09-07T18:42:00.000-05:00

I remember when we first met; it was a day I will never forget. Someone I knew thought enough of me to introduce us. I miss you dearly, I think about you all time. I spent alot of time, money, and late nights with you. Whenever we are together you always smelled great. Sometimes when I was alone it would cheer me up knowing I could be with you. Who would have thought we wouldn't enjoy each others company anymore. There isn't anything that could ever replace you. I've searched high and low for something that would resemble you, yet I have come up empty handed. Nothing could ever replace you, the #6 Spicy Chicken Sandwich at Wendy's with lettuce, cheese, onions and a medium root beer. Man I miss that sandwich; ya’ll I have no clue where a Wendy's is around this city. I'm glad I could share the memory of my beloved sandwich with you guys.

I know who most of ya'll thought I was talking about....LOL

Homework Already?

2007-08-28T21:21:00.000-05:00

Hey ya'll school hasn't started, but they gave us a book to read called "Class Matters", plus an assignment that is due tomorrow. We are to write a first person essay (500 words or less), considering issues of class, race, gender, religion, ethnicity, and or culture-- or anything else that is important " telling details" about what shaped the person I am today... So I did and I thought I would share it with you guys. I hope I don't sound too crazy! Oh yeah I think the title is kind of crazy but I am going with it, just to see what happens. Leave a comment and tell me your honest thoughts. Enjoy!

Disclaimer: Please excuse any errors you may find. Hence the reason I am attending school to become a great writer...and I thank you.

Same Face Different Story

Twenty- five years ago I was born too lower class parents-- a warehouse worker for a father, and a housekeeper for a mother, at Parkland County Hospital in Dallas, TX. Growing up in my neighborhood everyone’s story was familiar. African-American, single parents, unhappy two parent homes, poor housing ‘one step’ up from the projects, sub par
education system, with people who are only familiar with our surroundings. North Dallas, Arlington, Irving, and other suburban areas were home to the white population. Most Mexican- Americans at the time lived in one small area near my neighborhood.
I attended school with those who where just like me, but never understood me, many thinking I was in the wrong place, and never really knowing my story. Even though I was just like everyone else, I always stuck out like a sore thumb.
I have moved nearly 30 times (yes, literally 30) in my short life. I have lived in what some would consider the worst neighborhoods and the best neighborhoods in Dallas. By attending church every Saturday I received the outlet to engage with others -- working, middle, and upper class. Although they appeared to be like me, of the same ethnicity, race, religion, our cultural backgrounds were extremely different. Recognizing this difference I sought to become part of their culture. I was taught by my father a ‘street wise’ mentality, while my mother reminded me to remember my feminine side, and my faith in God. However, I forgot most of the things my mother said, and portrayed myself as my father instilled in me to be at a young age.
It was not until my teenage and adult years, did I socialize with individuals from other cultures, and ethnics. Due to my shallow mind develop from growing up it was hard to adjust, so I reverted to my comfort zone. The desire to succeed never left for me, thankfully I was granted the chance to move in a neighborhood, I had previously seen in pictures. The world around me completely dismissed everything I knew to be true. My thoughts on family, race, culture, and religion changed. My erratic behavior, fear, and bizarre ideas on life hinder me for a moment. Remembering my past and not wanting to return, I embraced the new culture I felt had been awaiting me for years. Today, I am able to attend Columbia College in an environment that takes diversity to the limit. Years ago, I would have shied away from such an experience. Now I am ready to indulge, learn, experience, and most of all enjoy this journey.

My baby is grown...

2007-08-22T20:43:00.000-05:00

Check out the Fantasia video on the side bar I love that song...

Ya'll I can't believe my baby sister went to college today. I hate I wasn't there to help her start her new journey. I think she is going to be fine though. The year was 1989 the month was Sept, the day was the 1st, and this little mean looking baby was born and placed in my hands, we called Amber . Of course she cried when she opened her eyes and looked at me. But I am sure she didn’t expect for me to look at her and start crying also…lol what a hassle it was raising her, ya'll she drove me crazy. I have her life all planned out so she shouldn't make any mistakes...JUST KIDDING! How weird is it that we are in college together. The dude at orientation was like hello class of 2011. For a moment I was like DDDDDAAAANNNNGGGGG that is forever. Then I realize it wouldn't take me that long. I remember my baby sister always wanting to go everywhere I went. I had to take her on dates with me back in high school. She never let me go on a date with her...lol. Once Derrick and I took her out for her b-day, and she wanted to drink liquor so bad. While Amber and her friend was in the bathroom we told the waitress to bring her a drink, and we were going to all pretend that it had liquor in it. I wish I could have video tape how they were acting drunk. They even said they could taste the liquor in the drink. After laughing so hard we finally told them there was no liquor in the drink, the expression on their faces was priceless...LOL
Amber is attending SWAU (Southwestern Adventist University Keene, TX), now if she gets in trouble out there she definitely went and looked for it. There is absolutely nothing to do in Keene, TX but pray! Yep my baby is going to be 18 next Sat. Where does the time go, these kids grow up so fast. I ask that you all keep her in your prayers because she has never been away from home. I know God will protect her and hopefully she will stay focus on graduating so she can make my money...HA!

Offically a college student...

2007-08-22T20:02:00.000-05:00

The year is 1994 I was 12yrs. old, the month is May or June, and the day is ummm I don't remember. It’s like it was yesterday, I had flew to Chicago alone for my twin cousin’s high school graduation. I was riding with my Uncle Carl and Aunt Linda in downtown Chicago. This particular day my Uncle was showing me his office downtown. While riding in the backseat I remember looking at this amazing skyline, thinking man I would love to live here someday. At the tender age of 12 I never thought my dream would come true. You see when I was younger I never really believed in dreams. Today my dream became a reality! I attended the New Student Orientation at Columbia College. WOW, is all I have to say. Where was this school when I graduated from high school in 1999? In the mist of all the excitement, a few thoughts ran through my head today.
First, I felt really out of my element since I have only attended black schools my whole life. This time the black people are few and far between. My cousin Carl came with me as my "dad for the day" who was great and helped me relax. Oh yeah I didn’t sleep at all last night because I was so excited like a true GEEK! Even though I have attended college in the past, I never experience orientation and all the hoopla that comes with starting college. Second, I realize I was probably the oldest in the room except for the parents. Thanks to my great gene pool I don't look a day over 19...lol. Lastly, I almost cried thanking God for finally getting me to this point. This school offers everything you can think of to prep you for your career. We registered for classes everyone else enrolled for 12-15 credit hours. I smiled and told my advisor I needed no more than 6 credit hours. (On a budget folks) I met some new people, and most of all I am excited about starting school. I wish you guys could see my id pic, it’s so cheesy. You won't believe they gave us a book to read and would like an essay on the book next week… I am excited about that also.

Last Week...

2007-08-22T18:06:00.000-05:00

Hey folks I have been a little busy, not really I just haven’t had access to a computer, so I am posting a little late. Let me update you on last week before we move forward. Oh yeah I am pleased to announce that I got a pedicure and a job last week...look how good God is!

My cousin and I went to an independent film called "Sarbane's Oxley" it was great!
I learn how to step at Chicago Public Library. Those of you who know me are aware I have absolutely no rhythm so you can imagine what I look like trying to dance...yes terrible but it was fun.
I finally enjoy being at home alone
I realize I can cook pretty well
I walked into Ebony magazine thinking I was going to get a job on the spot, you should have seen me. My confidence level was on full blast that day, you would've thought I already graduated from Columbia College in Journalism.
I didn't go to Jamba Juice or Taco Burrito
I was supposed to go on a date. Why didn't I go you ask, because I had a life sized pimple on my top lip. Pimples on your face people think you just have bad skin, but not on your lip...lol

Oh ya'll this MUST stop happening, another random dude story...
Being from Texas I say "hi" or "how are you" to almost everyone. When I got on the bus the other day, I see what my friend and I use to call “of great glory" (meaning a very handsome man). The bus was pack so I went to a seat I saw in the back. I say my usually "hey how you doing" now in my mind I am talking to the handsome guy, but instead who hears me, the old toothless dude standing in front of him. His response" not good enough since I don't know you", how come the fine dude didn't hear me? Well of course I pretended I didn't hear him and went to my seat.

City Dogs: My guy friend and I were sitting outside and we came to the stunning conclusion that most of these dog owners and their dog’s kind of look alike. It might just be me…LOL!

Well I think that is all folks for last week.

Its never really bad....oh yeah more random thoughts

2007-08-13T00:25:00.000-05:00

The other night I was out about 1 a.m. and I saw this lady sitting on a park bench with her daughter on her lap sleep. I assume they were homeless and they had to sleep there. After seeing them I begin to realize how much I complain, when in reality nothing I am experiencing is worst than sleeping on a park bench with your child. From that point on I decided to tell myself that it’s never bad. As long as I have shelter, food, clothes, friends, family, and a functioning body it is never a bad day. This week alone I have seen more mothers with children homeless and it breaks my heart. I've had my share of odd jobs that I hated and some I quit, but thank God he allowed me to bounce back. Chicago is a great city; however everywhere you look you can find a constant reason to say Thank you Jesus, because it could have been me.

So what interesting things did I do this week...?

I went to Borders and read for 3 hours to avoid talking to this man. The conversation went like this...

Random Dude: Excuse me, may I ask your age?
Me: Sure I am 25 why?
Random Dude: I must say you look very young from the neck up, and like a grown woman from the neck down.
Me: WTF are you talking about! (screaming in my head) Well sir thank you for the observation
Random Dude: So what’s your sign?
Me: Get the hell out of my face(in my head)... I reply, Scorpio
Random Dude: Well I am a Virgo
Me: Oh cool, can you please stop putting your hands on me
Random Dude: Oh, I am sorry Miss Lady, so can I get a name and number I can reach you at
Me: Ummm let me think about that as I read my magazines in Borders (walk off quickly)
Random Dude: Ok you promise I will be out here working till 6
Me: Ok cool (I will make sure I read till 630)… lol

Ya'll I went out on a Sat. night by myself, I thought I was toooooo cute last night until I almost fell in the middle of the street...LOL. Then I saw this group of young black people who looked as though they were having a great group discussion. I almost went over to them and asked if I could join the conversation, but I was to shy.

Of course I hit Jamba Juice a couple of times this week
Went to Taco Burrito
I meet some people at an independent film theater
Went to church and read my Sabbath school lesson
I went to dinner and listen to this white lady talk about how she loves black churches. HA!

I was on the train tonight and this black kid was turning back flips in the seat. He kept kicking the hell out of this white guys head. The dude turn around and looked at the mother like he was about to beat the hell out of her kids. I almost died laughing because the guy face was so red. Parents control your bad ass kids.

I know ya'll want to hear more dog stories but you are going to have to wait till next time on "The Journey of Ms. Devereaux"

Does the truth really work?

2007-08-12T23:38:00.000-05:00

Hey ya'll it has been an interesting week. Well not really but saying that it has sounds better...lol. Today I had the privilege of doing manual labor with my uncle which was cool, since I had been doing odd jobs to make money. In the mist of being out in the sun I begin to think about how I could have never been a slave. My aunts told me they would have just beaten me to death since I would’ve been considered lazy. During the conversation I thought about how I use to get beatings when I was younger. I stayed in trouble because I lied a lot. My parents use to say if I told them the truth I wouldn’t get a beating.(Yeah right) One time we were in the store, and I would steal butterscotch candy all the time and eat it as we grocery shop. My mother wouldn't allow me to have any sweets back then. I would pretend I was putting 5 cents in that little box on the Brach’s candy and I would get a hand full and stuff them in my pocket. Usually I would finish them before we got home. This particular time I got caught slipping. Those of you who know my dad already know what he said..."Joy (my nickname) if you tell me the truth I won't whip you"(even though the belt is already in his hand) in my mind, if you caught me with the candy in my mouth why are we having this discussion. Ok I will try this truth thing,” yes daddy I stole the candy" before I knew it the belt stings across my back (not buttocks but my BACK,wrong spot dad) what the hell, you tricked me we had an agreement. I guess they didn't want me to steal anymore so they both whip me in the same day. My mother took the time to pray before she use to whip me. I never understood why after you got a whipping you had to go take a bath. So I decided I was fed up with them and I was going to get them in trouble. Being that I have a light complexion, I figure I can get the marks from my whipping to stay on me until I got to school Monday. This way, I could show what I thought was child abuse to my teacher, and my parents would get in trouble. Not a good idea, not only did they not get in trouble but I got put on punishment. The moral of the story weigh your options before confessing the truth... (J/K always tell the truth ladies and gents)

I don't have a title it's just random thoughts about my week

2007-08-04T23:16:00.000-05:00

Hello all, this week went a little better I think. Let's see what all did I do...

I stayed at home alone for 2 nights which I actually enjoyed.
I spent $90.00 on six bags of grocery
I stayed with an older (80 something to be exact) family member and realized I want to get married and have kids
I question my creative abilities
I went to an AND 1 mix tape basketball game (yes I still like AND 1)
I realized a person will show you their many faces when put in the right situation
I realized I might not be as original as I thought
A married man asked me if I wanted to be his second wife...(CREEPY)
I went to church
I ate at Taco Burrito one of my favorite spots here
I received hair treatment advice from extremely ghetto people from the beauty supply house
I attempted to flat iron my hair with an off brand CHI
I ate alone at a restaurant outside on the patio
I didn't read my Sabbath School lesson
I still don't have a job, but the Lord has great timing.
I met some people but I am paranoid about hanging out with them...LOL (dumb huh?)
I went to a job interview and the cab driver gave me his number... (Weird)
I think I have OCD; I stood at the car making sure it was locked for 5 minutes... (Insane)
My cousin and I ate at a great Thai restaurant across the street
My guardian angel help me get things into perspective once again
I went to Jamba Juice in pj's and a shirt that says "try it you'll like it"...very BAD idea

Staying alone forces you to take a serious look at who you really are. I HATE THAT! To be honest with you, I have always been afraid to have alone time. I never really wanted to look inside and deal with my deeply rooted issues. I mean I can only keep myself occupied for so long until I have to be alone with my thoughts and the voices in my head (j/k there is only 2 voices I hear now). However I really don't think I am crazy. Believe it or not I am brilliant! So the question is WHO AM I? I don't know, but I think I am slowly learning the answer to that question. I definitely might not like all the answers but at least I know them. When I think back over the past I have to wonder if I have been true to myself, I believe the answer might be NO. What the hell does that even mean to be true to yourself?

Oh yeah I have another dog story. I was walking the other day to the beauty supply house (it’s a far cry from an Ulta store), and this guy was walking 2 huge rottweiler's. He stopped and threw their leashes over a fence, and walked into the street to chat with this dude. Mind you I have walked out of my decent neighborhood into the HOOD of Chicago. How do I know it’s the hood because everybody knows that DR.MLK Street is in the hood of every city nation wide, and I was walking on MLK street "the hood".I began to slow down because these dogs looked as though they were going to eat my legs off. The guy saw me slow down and of course he says the same thing all these fools here say "oh they won't bite" the hell they won't. They look like some dogs Michael Vick probably would fight with. I realized that there is no backyard downtown so all these dogs have like their own room possibly that is so crazy to me. Also why doesn't anyone think their dog will bite people? Crazy city people, so that's all for now folks I hope I didn't make you to bored. Goodnight!

My inspirational music...enjoy

2007-07-29T04:13:00.001-05:00

Enjoy

Party Time...

2007-07-29T02:39:00.000-05:00

I decided since I am living in Chicago, I am not going to be lame and stay in the house all the time, I am going out.My cousin and his guy friends where invited to one of his girlfriends rooftop party.That sounds like fun ,great weather,free food, and free drinks. Side note: There are way too many DOGS in this city.It is driving me crazy. This dog tonite, in the building where the party was, looked like a dang coyote and the owner was like "oh he doesn't bite". I was thinking to myself the hell he doesn't! Ok I just thought about that because I was walking back to the house and saw some more dogs. What are they doing out this time of night?

Back to the party,only a few of you may know this, but I am very shy. Don't say I'm not, because I am; I just don't show it too often. So I dressed in jeans, shirt, heels; and my new handbag(that is so hot).My cousin and all his guys get here and we leave.The ride to the party was so funny! First of all, off all these men range in age from 33-37. Unlike the south the folk here aren't married, nor do the men have baby mommas all over the place. When I lived in Dallas I would say that I didn't want to date a man with kids and people would tell me I needed to lower my standards...lol.

So I am riding with these guys listening to them prep for this party.
When I say prep I mean they determine their odds of meeting women then which ones they might be able to smash(have sex with). Of course I asked if they were married or had kids, they acted as though I cursed them out. None of them are looking to get married at this point, reason being and I quote" there are to many beautiful ladies out here to be with just one"...wow! So they continue chatting among each other talking about guy stuff like I'm not even in the car.If women knew what men talked about when they weren't around...lol. We get to the party and all the ladies are in club style sun dresses (I know there is another name for them) of course I am thinking WTF! But hey I don't have a sun dress that will fit over these midgets I have on my chest anyway. I ate, got me a drink(Lord forgive me...remember I am still a work in progress) to calm my nerves in order for me to get the courage to talk to strangers. I met a few people then went on the balcony it was great. Do you know they have a firework show every Saturday nite, at the lake front? To make a long story short. I sit outside enjoying the breeze and listen to these guys tell an extremely funny story. I watched all these men sweat this one girl who actually ended up being married( but wasn't wearing a wedding ring). Basically I met no new friends and I finally made it home after dropping the clan off telling you all about my first night out in the Chi. Tomorrow I am going to try going biking along lake shore which I think will be pretty funny since I haven't done it in years. These people bike and roller blade on the main street with cars. They are crazy! Anyway good night folks stay tuned for more of" The Journey of Ms. Devereaux"

Oh, I forgot to mention something that was funny. Remember I am out here on a budget and I left alot of stuff in Dallas. I wore a pair of open toe shoes, but I haven't had my toenails manicured and one is chipped. You know me, thinking hey it's night time, no one will notice. NOT TRUE somebody did notice and they said something to me about it. I could do nothing but laugh because I knew better. I should have just worn pumps. Anyway my play cousin warned me of things like this. For real this time, Goodnite

Ummmm...Just thinking late at night

2007-07-28T00:12:00.000-05:00

The playlist above is HOT so listen as you read its sets the mood...Enjoy

Hey ya'll it's me Tia and Ms. Devereaux is my alter ego (HA), I decided to keep a blog as I embarked on my new journey in life. Many of you know I moved to Chicago, and today that thought finally set in for me. I was walking down the street after receiving the great news that I got accepted into school when I realized OMG! I moved to Chicago and I have no friends in this huge city (lol). Let me back up for a minute.You guys know me as the funny, crazy, sometimes very off-balanced Tia. But there is a very serious side to me. So about 4 months ago I was sitting at a temp job thinking "is this what my life is going to be like everyday"? I realized this is definitely not what I had planned when I graduated from high school. With reality setting in daily I decided I needed to go back to school. Especially since every stinking job I wanted they required a degree. Oh yeah I have been going to therapy for about 2months at this point ( another one of my secrets) side note: I encourage everyone to seek counseling its great!

Anyway he and I had been discussing me, my issues, my dreams, and so on. He gave me homework assignments which allowed me to dig inside and figure out what I really wanted in this life. I learned I am not a traditional person, I'm more of a free spirit some may call it ADD...lol. As we know I don't do well in alot of aspects that don't challenge my mind. (call center jobs) With these obvious issues I needed to make a change and I needed to do it fast. For a long time I did things because people I thought were smarter than me suggested I follow those paths. However that didn't work for me or I realized that it would just drive me crazy. School has been on my mind for quite a while, but what I wanted to do didn't agree with to many people. In all honesty part of me would like to just learn so I sound smart in a conversation...lol That came about when I was having a conversation with this older white guy and everything he was telling me I had no clue about. I didn't like that feeling. So my therapist and I would work through the things on my list every week. I finally decided hey its my life I am going to go to school for what I want. I forgot to mention I am a people pleaser which can send you in circles.(hence the reason I have been going in circles) I began to pray ( yes I pray) and ask God to help me figure out this thing called life and to lead me in the direction he wants me to go since I'd been following my own way which hasn't worked.(Eventually I will be able to follow God in all aspects of my life...remember I am a work in progress).

First, I thought what is it I have always enjoyed doing ( here comes another secret) I love to write( I have so many journals its scary) I have been writing since I was a kid on pink paper with those huge pencils and begging my mom to sit and read every word out loud to me so I could envision it as she read. Plus I ask alot of questions to everyone I meet. My therapist asked me one session when you are old and gray what do you want to be most remembered for. The first thing that came out of my mouth was" I would like to be remembered as an author who wrote books that changed peoples lives for the better" He looked at me and said" so why aren't you moving towards that goal"? Fast forward I know I love Chicago something in my head one day said look at Columbia. I google and saw the one in NY, I'm thinking no I am not going to NY. Then I thought oh yeah I think its one in Chicago. So I found it and call and harass the nice people at the school for everything I needed to know to get in school in Fall 2007. Now keep in mind I owe about $3600 between 2 schools I went too in the past, I don't have that money!. I prayed again ok Lord I am just going to ride this out and see what happens. After learning about their journalism and fiction writing program I realize I love this school and everything it has to offer I want to go here. But when reality set in I knew I couldn't go because I didn't have the money to do the basics which is was to get my transcripts, I could lie and start all over again but I try to do what is right as much as possible except when I am cursing people out(work in progress).

Of course I prayed again ok Lord do I really need to be trying to go to Chicago again. About a week later my cousin call and tell me" hey you can have a spot in Chicago if you still want to go to school here" so I'm like ok cool. Then I'm thinking Lord why would you give me some place to stay and no school to go to. You have to wonder if God is ever thinking " would you just shut up and wait" or if he ever thinks " don't ask me that again I heard you in your last pray"...lol Thank God he doesn't.Then I talk to the people who I think might can help me here is my situation, I want to go to school I owe $X amount to each school. They say nope we can't help. Praying again Lord this is not working and I talk to my guardian angel she tells me trust the Lord. I call some more people they say we will help but with this amount. Mind you that amount was $450.00 less than what the people said the would accept. I pray and call them back I let them know " hey I have $X amount to pay right now. To my surprise they say we will take that but it has to be here in 2days... what the hell! Here we go again every time something seems to look up for me a wall comes up. I can't pressure these people to pay money in 2days. So you know me I'm thinking hey a closed mouth don't get feed like grandma say" all they can say is no" (I don't do well with rejection though). Hallelujah! They said they will send it by the due date!! Then my guardian angel steps in and says she will help me handle my other stuff. At this point all funds are GONE(no pay check or unemployment).

Everything is submitted to the school now we wait. Well I need to get a job and go to Chicago but the SENSIBLE personality in my head says "you are just going to move and haven't gotten into school yet or a job secured that's dumb". The ERRATIC personality says "hey just do it". So I pray and say Lord if you don't want me to go show me. Well I had my bowling party and I left Dallas. This week was very challenging for me because SENSIBLE personality begin to take over saying" what are you doing here" I begin to panic. So I prayed read my BIBLE and said ok Lord you brought me this far what now. The other challenge is that I am living alone for the FIRST time in my LIFE , and to increase my fear I am on the first floor with large windows all around the front of the condo. Needless to say the first few nights I have stayed up till the sun came up and went peacefully to sleep... I know insane!

See I am still working on trusting God in all aspects of my life. So finally today I get up people say you have to see your dream before you achieve it. I took that literal and went to the school, yes I got lost again. Once I found the building I begin to see myself in the classes so I started to encourage myself( Donald Lawrence). I remember the words of my guardian angel(CVW) to trust the Lord. At this point I see myself going to this school at least in my head...lol. I walked to the Admission building and the guy knew my voice since I call everyday for my status. He looked at the computer and tells me you have been ADMITTED in school! WHAAAAATTTTT don't play with me dude I can't take this right now. He turns the computer and showed me the screen and there it was I am accepted into school...the Lord has shown himself once again. For those of you who read this long blog understand that this entire journey has been a faith walk. I am saying this to say no matter what is going on in your life Trust the Lord... I am going to let ya'll go before I start preaching since I have my church music playing over here...lol Seriously though, I am happy to have gotten to this point. Don't let me get started on the journey before I got to this point at The Healing Home( you know who you are). Keep me in your prayers I hope this encourages someone to walk out on faith. I am a work in progress. Goodnite.